


I Love You So Bad

by wanggaemarkgae



Category: GOT7
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-13
Updated: 2017-07-19
Packaged: 2018-10-31 09:00:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 30,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10896066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wanggaemarkgae/pseuds/wanggaemarkgae
Summary: Three childhood friends; Jackson Wang, Mark Tuan, and Tzuyu Chou were separated when Jackson's family decided to move to Bali, Indonesia, to learn more about the art of sculpture and paintings. Jackson, who was always in love with Tzuyu, made her promise to keep in touch and respond to every mail he's going to send her. When Jackson starts corresponding, initially by snail mail, and then subsequently by electronic mail, Tzuyu, who has her mind on other 'more important things and people', asks Mark to respond; and Mark does so. Fifteen years goes by, and Jackson decides to come to his homeland for a visit and see how Tzuyu has turned out to be. He is already in love with her and his love only grew stronger the past years without even seeing her. It was not a surprise when he eventually propose to Tzuyu for a happily ever after ending. Will Jackson know it was Mark all along? Will he ever realize? Will Mark ever get the happy ending he wished for? Or will he be the great friend he always was, who will do anything for his besties as long as they are happy. Will Mark be happy seeing his best friends together?





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> If you feel like you’ve read this story somewhere, relax, this is not plagiarism. This story is actually a remake of a chaptered story I made years ago, that I shared with a couple of changes especially in the main pairings, because I think it is worth to share. Message me if you feel the need to confirm what I said, I will give you the link to my other ermmmm 3 usernames? I have one for each fandom so I don’t get confused when I had to update or subscribe a story. And I posted it all in AFF before. Still new in AO3 so please bear with me!!

_Can you recognize love on the first sight?_

_Can love ever be wrong?_  

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Tzuyu, I’m going to miss you.”              

 

Jackson looked like he was going to burst into tears any moment now. He was holding Tzuyu’s hand with his own bulky one. Tzuyu didn’t seem interested in Jackson’s teary eye, nor did she paid any attention to the boy’s words.                 

 

“I am going to write to you, Tzuyu-ah. I promise. But you have to promise you will write back.”           

 

“I don’t have a computer,” Tzuyu answered shortly. She shrugged Jackson’s hand from hers, ignoring the other’s defeated look. Jackson almost didn’t know what to say next when suddenly a voice answered his prayers.                 

 

“But I do,” Jackson and Tzuyu both turned their heads to look at the forgotten person standing beside them. “You can use mine.”               

 

Jackson’s eyes grew large hearing the other boy’s word. “Really, Ge? You would let Tzuyu use your computer to reply my messages?”              

 

“Of course,” the skinny boy nodded vigorously, while Tzuyu rolled her eyes and sigh. Now she won’t have any reason to escape _. Thank’s Mark, now I have to reply his messages_ , Mark can see Tzuyu said that with her glare.                 

 

“Oh, well, I have to go,” Jackson said when his parents called for him. He patted Mark's arm, “Thank you once again, Yien Ge. Take care.”                   

 

“Y-Yeah," Mark stuttered at the use of his Chinese name. It was a name only Jackson use a lot. Others usually just use Mark. "You too.”                 

 

“And take care, Tzuyu Chou,” not even listening to Mark's answer, Jackson turned to Tzuyu. With a lot of courage, he hugged the girl in front of her. “I’m going to miss you. Don’t forget me, yeah?”              

 

Tzuyu snorted, not even returning the hug. When Jackson let her go, she walked pass him to her father, while Mark ran to his mother’s embrace with tears in his eyes. He didn’t want to lose the didi he loves so much. Waving until he lost the sight of Jackson, Mark whispered, “I’ll miss you, Wang Jiaer.”

 

 

* * *

 

**a/n**

**credit goes to a Hindi movie I love so much. I borrowed the plot but the characters are all... MINE lalalalalalalalla~ Nope, jk. Unfortunately they all still belong to JYP ent, mehhhh**

**Oh, for Tzuyu Chou from Twice.. Sorry, I know she's a sweet girl. It's just she fits the role for this story hahaha**

**Please give kudos and leave your thoughts. I would LOVE to hear what you think about this story. Ciao! ^^**


	2. The First Letter

> _Dear Tzuyu,_
> 
> _I have arrived in Bali. We arrived last night, but I was too exhausted to write a letter, so only now I can write you. My computer is not yet unpacked, and our internet connection will not be installed until next week. So for the time being, I hope this letter is enough for you._
> 
> _Bali is amazing!! Hot, but still amazing! I have never been to a place like this before. I don’t know about the rest of Indonesia yet, but Dad had promised me he will take me around Indonesia when we are settled. And when I’m in holiday of course. For now, there is this beautiful island I had to learn first. No wonder people called Bali as the Paradise Island. It really is a paradise. I love our hometown, of course. Seoul is much more… sophisticated and modern and neat, but the difference between both places is what makes Bali more beautiful. The cultural atmosphere is very strong here. You can see people wear their traditional clothes on daily basis, there are ritual offerings all over the street, and I mean all over the street! It’s in front of every house, every building, on top of their vehicles, on every statues and big trees. It’s really amazing! I can’t wait to finally get to explore this whole island._
> 
> _We live in a district called Ubud. This is actually the art and culture center of Bali, far from the beaches and the city light. It’s very quiet here at night, not a lot of people are around but foreign tourists who likes the silence and calmness this town offers usually come here to stay. It's slightly cooler from the downtown, because it's a bit far from the sea and more to the hills area of Bali…_
> 
>  

 

 

 

“Blah blah blah..” Mark saw Tzuyu tossed the letter to her side, not even reading it until the end. He quickly got up from where he was sitting, in front of his computer desk on his favorite cozy red chair, to take the baby blue colored paper. He sat beside Tzuyu who was sprawled across his bed, not even caring about the letter as she started playing with her brand new cellphone her father gave her this morning. “It’s boring. Jackson got so boooooo~ring!”

Mark chuckled at his friend’s attitude. Tzuyu was the typical spoiled 12 year old girl that thinks of nothing but how she looks and how boys will look at her. It’s not a bad thing really, because besides that two irritating fact about her, she is a nice Daddy’s girl who get everything she wanted just because her dad feels guilty that her daughter is growing up without a mother. Tzuyu’s mother died when she was still 3 years old, due to a complication she had after giving birth to Tzuyu’s baby brother, who died 2 weeks after their mother’s because he was too weak. It was a terrible grieve for her father and her, also for Tzuyu’s mother two best friend who lived in the same apartment building as she is: Mei—Mark’s mother, and Sophia—Jackson’s mother. Since then, Tzuyu was always taken care by Mei and Sophia, who took her as their own daughter since the both of them only had sons in their family. While being a spoiled girl she is, Tzuyu cared about her new family a lot. She loves Mark’s and Jackson’s parents dearly, and she grew especially close to Mark because he and Tzuyu had a mutual attraction in music; Tzuyu on singing and Mark on composing. They also love to dance. Jackson was more of a singer slash rapper, but his mother’s influence was just too strong and it made Jackson liked painting more than anything. Besides, Mark knows Tzuyu always befriend someone based on their looks first, so that might be the main reason why Tzuyu was closer to him more than Jackson, aside from music and dancing. Jackson was a bit on the heavy side, Mark must admit. But Mark can’t not admit that even with his heavy weight and chubby cheeks, the younger male was so handsome and attractive. He had a husky but fresh voice, which is followed by a cheerful attitude and speaking tone. His laugh is contagious, that every time he laughs showing straight line of white teeth, everyone would laugh with him. He had a perfect sculpture of a face, the shape of lips that Mark was envy of. But on top of it all, nobody could defy the charm of Jackson’s eyes. It can make anyone forget their name, where they are, what they were supposed to do, just by looking into those dark brown eyes. But Tzuyu never saw that in him. Even though Jackson loved her to death, and shared his little secret to Mark that he will marry no other girl but Tzuyu when they grew up, Tzuyu just can’t get to like him that way.

"Tzuyu, you can’t say that. He is just telling you about his new home there,” Mark said to his best friend, shoving the letter back under her nose so she can read it again, but Tzuyu just shook her head and moved to her side, facing away from Mark.

“I don’t need to know about his new home, I don’t need to know anything about him,” she didn’t even looked at Mark when she said that, still engrossed in texting whoever was on the phone with her.

Mark shook his head in defeat. While chuckling, he decide to read the continuation of the letter that Tzuyu stopped reading out loud. Mark missed Jackson. It has only been a week, but it already felt like centuries for him, especially being in a new environment of junior high without his Gaga to protect him. Gaga, was a nickname Mark often called Jackson with (besides Jiaer, of course) since he left, because Jackson’s Cantonese name is GaYee and Gaga was like super cute and suitable for the sunshine ball that is Jackson. Mark was the only one calling him Gaga, though, because Tzuyu thinks it sounds like a dog’s name.

 

 

> _We are not the only foreign family living here. But Chinese are really rare. There are a lot of Korean and Japanese people here in Bali, though, and most of them live here to study in Bali, they said. I see no Chinese here to practice the traditional culture besides us three. They are mostly here to surf and enjoy the food. I'm glad I had some people to speak Mandarins to! There are some old Japanese ladies here, too, mostly to learn dance. I miss you guys a lot. It is beautiful here, but no Tzuyu or Mark here is lonely. I wish I can make new friends soon. But no worries! School is in two days, I’m looking forward to it. I hope you and Mark don’t get lonely there without me. Don’t forget to look out for Mark, Tzu. Protect him from those guys who always until he cried. I hate that I can’t be there for him, but at least he got you._
> 
>  

Mark stopped reading out loud to smile at the last part. He was so happy to see that although Jackson seemed to only think about Tzuyu after he moved, he actually thought about Mark too. It was nice to know that Jackson was worried about him.

 

> _Oh well, I need to go. Dad’s taking me to where he’s going to teach while Mom’s going to go practice dancing, and after that we’re going to go shop for my school books. Yaaaay! I can’t wait! So… see you in the next letter. I miss you._
> 
> _Love,_   
>  _Jackson Wang_
> 
> _nb._
> 
> _In case you got my letter in a week, by then my internet will be on already and you can reply me through email. If it’s not on yet, then be patient for the reply. But I promise I will reply ASAP. I hope you do write back to me, Chou Tzuyu._
> 
>  

 

Mark smiled after he finished reading the whole letter. He turned to look at Tzuyu who now was looking back at him with an annoyed expression on her face.

“Does this mean I have to write back to him?”

"Well, not actually writing, but yeah. You promised you’d reply to his letters, girl,” Mark laid down beside Tzuyu, looking at the white ceiling of his room as if it can help him suppress the butterflies he felt on his stomach just thinking about Jackson. Oh yes, although Jackson can only see Tzuyu in his eyes, Mark secretly had a crush on his Gaga. How could you not when someone act as your knight in shining armor every day? Jackson was always protecting Mark from the bullies, rescuing him anytime those naughty boys from the next building because he was so skinny and small and had a big teeth and wore glasses in his young age. The younger always helped him getting him stuff he couldn’t reach on the shelf, or helping Mark filling parts in the songs he composed, singing the songs Mark wrote and even asked Mark to dance for the music the he composed.

“Ah, but I don’t wanna. Promises are just promises, Mark, you don’t have to do something just because you promised to do it. Do I have to say sorry to that hideous girl in class for calling her ugly—I can’t even remember her name—just because I promised the principal I’d do it? Because I was saying the truth.”

She turned to look at Mark, but instead of answering her, Mark only raised his eyebrows at her words, making her grunt in frustration. She sat up, collecting her things spread on Mark’s bed; make up, nail polish, phone charger, and her favorite Barbie doll; put them in her Disney Princess printed backpack, then she stood up.

“If you’re so keen on keeping promises, Mark, why don’t you do it then?”

"A—what? Chew, I can’t—“ before Mark finished his words, Tzuyu was already out of his room. Mark could hear her saying goodbye to his mom with an _‘I have to do my home works’_ as an excuse. Mark snorted. Home works? “She always leaves her paper works here for me to do it,” he said to himself, staring at the stacks of papers Tzuyu had left on his bed.

"Oh well..” Mark flexed his arms, and stood up to sit in front of his computer, opening his email and typed Jackson’s email address in the receiver box.

 

 

 

> _Dear Jackson,_
> 
> _Bali sounds so nice. It would be fun if one day I can visit you there. I know there are many many cultural values there, and I would love to be introduced to every single of them. I wanted to see if they still hold their traditional values there just like we do here. Do you miss Seoul? It’s getting cold here recently since winter is about to come. So enjoy the heat while you can. It’s always nice to feel warm._
> 
> _Mark is doing fine here. I will protect him from all the bullies. You don’t have to worry though, he’s able to stand for himself somehow. It was hard at first since he was used to being safe in your protection, but since you are not here anymore, I think he’s thinking of learning some martial arts. He already applied to one of those taekwondo club not far from our school. He misses you. It’s weird without you here._

 

 

 

Mark stopped typing. He decided to erase the last two sentences from the letter. It’s not necessary. This is a letter Tzuyu wrote for Jackson. Why would she tell Jackson that Mark missed the younger boy? No, no, focus, Mark Tuan, Mark told himself. Mark then wrote more about his parents and Tzuyu’s father, he was playing safe by choosing the neutral topic that doesn’t involve too much about himself. After he finished it, Mark puts Tzuyu’s name at the end of the letter and clicked the send button. He sighed after a notification box showed up to notify that his message has been sent.

"I miss you, Gaga. I miss you so much,,” Mark said to himself, palming his face while letting out a sad laugh. Sad, seeing how desperate he was. He tried not to tell too much about himself, but in the end, he did.

As time pass by, his letters was filled with him telling Jackson that he loves reading books, particularly one book written by Mitch Albom with the title For One More Day. Mark told Jackson how he was a fan of a Korean boy group called Big Bang and how he always remembered Jackson every time he listened to their song and see them dancing because.. he doesn’t knows why (Jackson laughed when he read this). Mark told Jackson that the tteokppoki stall near their house was now closed, and he (well, in the letter he was a she) was so sad because when Jackson come back to Korea he wouldn’t be able to eat his and Mark’s favorite snack anymore. Mark told so much about himself, until one day in his letters Jackson told him he loved him so much. Wait, no, he told him that he loves Tzuyu so much. It was such a big slap to Mark, that no matter how many times Jackson complimented him, saying so many I love you’s and you’re amazing, it was not addressed to him. Because to Jackson, he was not the one writing all those letters. It never was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo dundundunnnnn first chapter. Sounds interesting? No?  
> Anyway, if anyone could tell me how the weather and seasons works in LA, please do! I have a hard time deciding what country they live in originally, because Taiwan is where Tzuyu from and Mark is a Taiwan descendant but Jackson has no connection to Taiwan at all so Idk. Korea might work but then why did they have to have English names? So LA it is. I would prefer them living in Ithaca since I lived there for a couple of years and knows some bit but LA sounds a bit familiar to them hahaha. So pleeeeaaaase help!
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!


	3. That's What Friends Are For

“Tzuyu!”

Chou Tzuyu, a young fine lady in her age of 26, turned around from where she was seated to find her best friend waving at her from the door. She waved back, letting her friend know she acknowledge him, then turned to bid goodbye to her band-mates. They agreed to have another practice in two days, so Tzuyu can go straight home tomorrow after her classes. After saying another goodbye to her friends, she went to Mark who now was leaning to the door frame, learning his best friend’s slender figure approaching him.

“Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark!!” Tzuyu called him out, with a hop she lunged forward and circled Mark’s shoulder with her arms. “I got your text. What is it you wanna talk to me?”

“Umm.. can we talk while walking home?”

Tzuyu looked at Mark with a worried expression on her face. “Are you okay, Markie? Did somebody bothered you again?”

Hearing Tzuyu’s worried tone, and the nickname she called him with, Mark chuckled. He shook his head, making his blondish hair shuffle cutely on top of his head. “Come on, let’s go.”

Tzuyu was genuinely worried for Mark. Her best friend had grown from the awkward-crooked teeth-nerd teenage boy into one beautiful being. Well, to Tzuyu he was always pretty, but not many people can see through the glasses and the awkward demeanor Mark always had back then. Right now, Mark was nothing but perfect. He was a bit small for a male, but his muscles grow just on the right places on his body. His face held a feminine feature but still a lot of people fell in love with his high cheek, perfect sculpted nose, plump and kissable lips tainted with a natural pink color, and his smooth white skin without any beauty product. He had a long fingers that were so delicate. It was the fingers that creates magic every time it held a pen, a pencil, or touches a keyboard on any gadget he can use to type. Those fingers was his magic wand, the wand that distributes his genius ideas in writing lyrics and composing music into wonderful pieces. Wonderful pieces Tzuyu was lucky to enjoy because her best friend let her sung all those magic he creates. Mark was a definition of a genius beauty. But all that comes with a cost. While he was bullied for being nerd and awkward in junior high, high school was a total hell because anywhere Mark went, people harassed him. Being in college are quite relieving since a lot of the college students act more mature or pretty much don’t care about others, and now that they had entered the world of grownups, it all gets better. Mark can stand a few whisperings at his office, but back then, high school has its toll on Mark. Mark had come to Tzuyu’s doorstep one day, all beaten up by a group of naughty boys in their high school, just because they think he was too pretty for a guy, and he does ‘girly dances’. Mark was called names; , gay, girlie, pretty boy; are some of a thousand names they made up for Mark. Tzuyu was the one protecting him all the time. Being the popular girl she was, she was respected, and no one messes with Mark when she’s around. But when Tzuyu’s not with Mark, that’s when she worries the most.

Now, no one uses that kind of harassment to bully Mark anymore, now that Mark learned martial arts and knows how to use it to defend himself. But the trauma didn’t only scarred Mark, it left bad memories to Tzuyu too. She gets over protective and finds herself worried about Mark all the time.

“Mark?” Tzuyu tried again when they’re halfway to the bus station. Mark hasn’t spoken a word since they left the band’s practice room even though he said he wanted to talk about something. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

Mark didn’t answer. He kept walking until the both of them reached the bus station. This was a habit for them. On Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, Mark would come to Tzuyu’s band practice studio just a few blocks from his office, and then the both of them will take the bus home together. Tzuyu purposely choose the practice studio near Mark’s office. The both of them spent their childhood together even until graduating college, and Tzuyu is still not used to not being with Mark every day since they had different workplace. Now Tzuyu worked as an accountant at a small insurance company just around their neighborhood while Mark worked as a researcher for one of Korea’s top university.

Seeing no other people were there, Mark threw himself to the bench, letting out a long sigh. Tzuyu could only look at her friend in confusion. After a couple minutes of silence, Tzuyu huffed, turning around to examine the road. Seoul’s traffic can be pretty crazy, especially when it’s cold like now and people thought using their cars with heaters are more convenient than using the public transportation.

“He’s coming back, Chew,” Mark suddenly said when Tzuyu was still looking out at the road, seeing if their bus is anywhere near. Tzuyu turned her head to look at Mark, who was still sitting at the bench, but now finally looking at her.

“Who?”

Mark didn’t answer Tzuyu. He ruffled his light blonde hair instead, letting out a frustrated groan that made Tzuyu rushed to sit at his side and held his hand.

“Yah, yah! What the hell is wrong with you, Mark? Calm down.”

Mark let out a whine and pulled his hand from Tzuyu’s grasp. Palming his face with both of his hands, Mark shook his head. “Jackson. He’s coming back.”

“Huh?” Tzuyu couldn’t hear Mark properly. Mark’s words were muffled by his hand. “Mark what are you talk—“

“Jackson, Tzuyu! Jackson Wang! He’s coming to Seoul in three days, what should I do~,” Mark let out a frustrated cry. He huffed and puffed making thin fogs from his mouth, not realizing his friend hasn’t yet respond. But when she did, the respond surprised him a lot.

“Who?”

Mark was not sure if he heard right. Did Tzuyu just asked who? What does she mean by that? Mark faced Tzuyu, looking as confused as she is. “What?”

“Who do you said was coming back?”

“Wha—? Jackson. Jackson Wang,” Mark tried again.

“Jackson who?” Tzuyu still look confused.

“Chou Tzuyu!!” Mark cried out, reaching out to hold her hands. “You gotta be kidding me! Please be serious.”

“I’m being serious, Mark Tuan. Who is Jackson?”

Mark’s mouth streaked open, he couldn’t believe what he just heard. “You don’t remember Jackson?” when Tzuyu shakes her head innocently, Mark slapped his own forehead. “Oh my God I’m totally screwed.”

He was just going to stand up and walk away from the bench, but Tzuyu holds his arms, preventing him from leaving. “What the heck, Mark? Where do you think you’re going?? At least finish what you were going to talk about! Jackson who? Why does it matter so much, him coming to Korea?”

“The name doesn’t even ring a bell, Tzuyu? Not even a bit? Jackson Wang? Your promise? Bali?” Mark sat on the bench again, asking Tzuyu in a desperate voice.

Tzuyu looked like she’s thinking very hard that it almost made Mark want to laugh at how adorable her expression is. “Jackson Wang?” she mumbled to herself. “Promise? What do promise had to do with.. ah, wait.. Bali?” Mark is starting to smile when his friend looks like she’s remembering something. “I think I remember.”

“You do?” Mark asked her in a mocking tone.

Tzuyu nod. “I do. Our neighbor. Our.. childhood friend. The fat.. ugly.. kid—“

“Chewy! That is not nice!”

“—the one who always protects you, that person I remember. Your savior. Your ‘Jiaer’. Your ‘Gaga’!”

When Tzuyu saw Mark nod weakly, the brown hair colored lady knew she was right.

“What’s the big deal? He’s coming, so? Shouldn’t you be happy? Aren’t you like.. in love with him or something?”

“No, Chew, no!!” Mark gasped. “It’s not like that.”

“Why of course.. Our cute little Markie~” Tzuyu turned so she was facing Mark. She pinched his blushing cheeks. “Who doesn’t fall in love easily. Who will wait for his prince charming to come and rescue him in distress.”

“Chou Tzuyu, I may be gay but I’m still a guy. I do not need any prince charming, no. What I need is you to help me this two weeks. Help me and pretend you are the one he was writing to this whole time. Pretend that you are the Tzuyu he fell in love with. That’s what I need. Will you help me?”

Mark was answered with a slap of a hair to his face from Tzuyu who turned her face away from him. “Why should I? It’s not like I made you do it in the first place.”

“You didn’t what?? Excuse me, Miss, but as far as I remember, you were the one who promised you would write back to him but eventually you break your promise and made me write for you instead.”

“Wha--? No way, Mark,” Tzuyu turned to face him again. “As far as _I_ remember, _you_ initiate writing letters to him using my name by yourself. I did break a promise, but this whole thing it’s definitely not my idea. Nuh-uh. I’m clean. Innocent. Not guilty.”

“Okay okay I get it. But what’s done is done. Can’t you at least help me fix this?”

“How can I?” she answered, standing up when she saw their bus approaching. The conversation came to a halt for a couple of seconds until the both of them were settled inside the almost crowded bus, with Tzuyu sitting down and Mark standing next to her. “I don’t know anything about him, Mark. Besides, I’m Chou Tzuyu the heartbreaker. What will people say if they see me with the the f-fat, ugly, dar—“

“Chou Tzuyu the heart breaker, didn’t I told you it was not nice calling our childhood friend with names like that?? It’s not nice judging people by their physical appearance. Not all people were born and grew perfectly beautiful like you. You out of all people should know this!” Mark almost yelled when he said this, making a couple of people on the bus looked their way with an annoyed look.

Tzuyu gasped, reaching out to hold Mark’s hand and tilted her head up to look him in the eye. What she saw in Mark’s eyes made her heart clenched. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. That’s not what I meant,” she really felt guilty for offending her friend.

Mark frowned. What she said really hurts him. Half because she just said things she knew would hurt Mark, and half because she was insulting his Gaga. Unconsciously he pouted at Tzuyu. It was supposed to make Tzuyu feel guiltier, but the view only made the girl giggled. Oh her little Markie was such a cutie.

“Alright, Markie Mark~..” the slightly smaller girl said in a sing-a-song tune. She squeezed Mark’s hand she’s still holding. “You are the reason I passed all my grades and you always borrowed me your home works so I don’t get punished. How can I repay all that if not by helping you out?”

Mark’s face started to glow. His pout disappeared in an instance. “Really?” Mark turned her hands and squeezed back. “You’d do it? You’ll help me?” As Tzuyu nod her head, Mark let out a small squeak, leaning down to hug his best friend. “Thank you thank you thank you, Chewy. It’s only for two weeks. After that, you’re free.”

 

* * *

**a.n**

**About this nickname Mark called Tzuyu. I know 0 thing about Twice, actually, but I did my research before putting her as a character here and I learned that fans sometimes call her “Chewy” because it’s close to how Tzuyu is pronounced. So, that’s an official nickname for her in this story!!**

**Lastly, please enjoy chapter 2! And comments! ^^**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to jewelvox and Emma_sh92 for telling me how the weather works in LA. Apparently it’s summer all year long there! Thank God I didn’t stick to the weather in Ithaca because as far as I remember, it’s a whole 11 months of winter there and only one month to enjoy the sun! (not that long, actually but that’s what I felt! 11 months of coldnesssss)
> 
> So I changed some bit of chapter 1 according to the information I got. Oh, if I may ask one more thingggggg, is the weather in winter summer fall spring the same in LA? Or it gets colder on fall and winter and gets extremely hot on summer or anything? Thank you in advance (again! ^.^)
> 
> Oh and about this nickname Mark called Tzuyu. I know 0 thing about Twice, actually, but I did my research before putting her as a character here and I learned that fans sometimes call her “Chewy” because it’s close to how Tzuyu is pronounced. So, that’s an official nickname for her in this story!!
> 
> Lastly, please enjoy chapter 2! I might do a quick update tonight because I have time, so please anticipate Jackson in the next chapter!! Bye!


	4. Meeting You Again

Jackson couldn’t help but put a big wide smile as he heard the announcement telling that the train he was riding is approaching the familiar area he grew up, the elite Apgujeong area. Yes, a few things has change, but overall, Seoul looks the same. He looked at his mother sitting in front of him holding one of his hand, while his dad stood beside him. Jackson himself was standing even when there are still seats available on the train. He and his father were too excited to sit. Jackson’s parents were looking at the view outside with excitement in their eyes, they must’ve missed Korea more than Jackson. They were one of the few Chinese descendants who has been living in Korea for more than 3 generations, including the Tuans and the Chou, their family’s close friends. Sophia and Xihao Wang are just as Korean as the others living here, and this place is a home for them just like it is to Jackson. There was a moment where Jackson locked his eyes with his mother's. He can see she had tears in her eyes as she smiled and took Jackson’s hand and kissed the top of it. Jackson understood the sentimental feeling his mother was feeling. Yeah, he missed his hometown too.

  
“Is Mei there already?” Jackson heard his father asked his mom. Sophia nodded at his husband’s question, checking the cellphone she was holding in her free hand.

  
“She’s there. She said she got a heart attack every time a train arrived at the station,” Sophia said, making Jackson and Xihao laugh. “Ah, I missed her so much, why isn’t this train moving faster than 15 years ago?” she joked, making her husband and son laughed again.

  
Jackson’s parents old time friends, Li Mei and her husband Raymond Tuan, had offered picking them up at the airport. But the Wang family refused, saying they wanted to ride the airport train for some kind of nostalgic rendezvous, since they have no such trains in Bali. The Tuans were worried they would forget which train they should ride, but Sophia and Xihao never forgot their way home. It wasn’t that difficult since they just need to transfer once for the blue line from the airport, and they only bring one single luggage each because they still had clothes that the Tuans kept for them since they left their old place. They automatically know where they were going to stay while visiting Korea, even when they already sell their house. Of course Mei won’t let them stay anywhere else but her place.

  
The train stopped not long after. Sophia can already see Mei waiting for them with her husband and another one of their best friends, Chou Ming. She almost ran to the exit of the train, bumping a couple of people who cursed at her, but she didn’t care. She even left her suitcase inside, leaving Jackson and Xihao to look at each other. Jackson chuckled in defeat as he took his and his mother’s suitcase, following her out the train, with his father right behind him. As soon as he stepped off the train, a warm pair of gloved hands immediately circled his neck, forcing him to bend down.

  
“OH MY GOD look at yourself, young man!!!” the sound of the middle aged woman yelling near his ears made Jackson winced a bit. He knew who she was. He didn’t have to think too long to remember that voice from his younger days.

  
“Mei Imo!!” Jackson raised his arms and return the hug to the mother of his best friend, Mark, who was like his own mother. She was the one who took care of Jackson whenever he was sick because Jackson’s parents was busy in their gallery most of the time. He didn’t realize how much he missed her until she got her arms around him just like in the old days. “I missed you so much!!”

  
“Oh my boy. My, have you grown!” when she finally pulled back from the hug, Jackson can see the tears in her eyes. “You are so handsome! If I didn’t see your mother’s trademark suitcase you’re dragging with you, and if your beautiful eyes didn’t stay as beautiful as they were—“ Mei gently sooth her thumb over Jackson’s eyelids, “—I wouldn’t have recognize you!”

  
Jackson smiled at this. He knew people in his hometown would say this kind of stuff if he ever returned. He was prepared for this. Jackson physical appearance did change a lot. Not that he wasn’t grateful for what he was blessed with already but like any other normal kid, he wanted to be respected. He wanted people to appreciate how he looked like, complimenting him with words and expression. And most of all, Jackson didn’t want to be ashamed of his body when one day he meet Tzuyu again. So he started his diet plan, along with his regular work out. It was hard at first, following the rules of his own diet plan. But in the end, the result was worth it. Jackson got the figure he always wanted. He was not as tall as he wished he would be, but his body height was balanced with his weight. He never sent any of his latest pictures to Tzuyu, not when he was already slim. He wanted to surprise her, because the last picture Jackson sent her was on his high school graduation, where he already lost a couple pounds but still had his baby-fat around. Now he’s a healthy 27 years old man with just the right body shape. Not too muscly, but not skinny. He has a beautiful skin tone, a sun-kissed toned skin for being exposed to the sun for too long. The Wangs doesn’t live near the beach, but he went and played there almost every day, and when he wasn’t on the beach, he would be practicing traditional dance or painting in the open air. Meeting the sun every day made his skin glowed more, not even a single sun burn was left on those healthy though tanned skin. Just the perfect combination for his built. He never had bad memories about his fat self, but being the Jackson he is now is much better – healthier – and he liked it.

  
After the small reunion with the parents (read: being dragged back and forth by Mei and Raymond, kissing him sloppily on his cheek and hugging him until he felt like his ribs were about to burst out), Jackson finally found the person he’s been looking for. There, a bit far from their parents, stood the most beautiful girl Jackson had ever saw. She had a slim figure with a soft brown hair colored and big beautiful eyes, such a perfect creature Jackson wasn’t sure she really was a human.

  
“Tzuyu?” he asked. Without even waiting for an answer, he half-run towards her and held her in a bone crushing hug that startled the young lady. He spun themselves around, making Tzuyu let out a small yelp. “Tzuyu!! I can’t believe I finally meet you again!! I missed you so much!”

  
“J-Jackson?” Tzuyu couldn’t find her voice. She had expected a big – fat - drowned in baggy shirt and baggy jeans - Jackson, not a smoking - hot - guy - in – suit - Jackson. It all surprised her, but at the same time it was a relief.

  
“You are just as I imagined you would be. So beautiful,” Jackson told her once he put her down, pulling away from the hug. He saw how Tzuyu’s cheek got a little red from his compliment, and laughed at this.

  
“You sure are a lady killer, Mr. Hawaii,” Tzuyu said to the man in front of her. “Too much living around those pretty ladies in bikinis, huh?”

  
Jackson’s smile faltered a bit. “Hawaii? But I’m not from Hawaii. I live in Bali.”

  
“O-oh?” Tzuyu tried to cover her surprised expression, stealing a glance at Mark who was glaring at her for making such a fatal mistake. But she wasn’t a heartbreaker for no reason. Quickly the brown-haired snickered, grabbing Jackson’s collar and moving their faces close together. “Hawaii, Bali, does it matter? If I want to call you Mr. Hawaii, I’m going to call you Mr. Hawaii.”

  
For a moment Tzuyu wasn’t sure she said the right words. She tried to look confident though her heart was beating like crazy inside. When Jackson’s smile formed again on his handsome face, Tzuyu knew she won the game. “Then Mr. Hawaii it is.”

  
Jackson couldn’t help himself but fall to each and every word Tzuyu said. He had been dying to see the woman he loved for almost 15 years. And now that he finally meet her, he wasn’t going to ruin anything just because of a nickname. Jackson was studying Tzuyu’s delicate feature in a close distant when he heard a low but quite voice beside them speak up.

  
“Guys, we probably should get going. Our parents left already.”

  
The couple stumbled backwards as if they just realized they weren’t the only one in the station at the moment. Jackson turned to his right to see who had been speaking, and was met with a wonderful view of Mark Tuan. Oh man, how could he missed a freaking cute blonde haired man standing near them? Well Jackson must say, the boy in front of him looked like he hadn’t aged a bit since Jackson moved. Of course, the glasses is gone, and Jackson was sure the older man lost a couple of his weight himself, maybe too much even. He was so thin but somehow Jackson could imagine traces of muscles down those thick long-coat he was wearing. Such a cute sight. He had a beautiful beautiful face and fair white skin that glows in a way Jackson couldn’t explain. He was breath-taking beautiful.

  
“Mark?”

  
The smile Mark gave to him was like a prize awarded to Jackson. He didn’t know why his heart leapt from just a single smile, but Jackson mentally slapped his head at this. How could he think like that about a guy? Besides, he have Tzuyu here right in front of him. After a quick glance to Tzuyu, assuring himself that she was still there, Jackson hugged Mark briefly. The other man didn’t even had the chance to return the hug because of how fast Jackson let him go, and Jackson laugh a little seeing his stunned face as he moved away from the light haired boy.

  
“It's really good to see you again.”

  
“Yeah?” there was a sad tone in Mark’s voice that Jackson didn’t like, but he choose to shrug it away. “Well we gotta get going. Our parents are out already, we just need to walk a little to get to our house.. well, I hope you still remember.”

  
“I do, I do,” Jackson nod.

  
“Then what are we waiting for?” the sound of Tzuyu talking made Jackson diverted his eyes from Mark. The girl was already walking towards the exit, calling Mark who gave Jackson one last smile before turning around, matching his pace with Tzuyu. Jackson chuckled at the sight. The suitcases was left in their parents care, so Jackson didn’t have to drag any luggage while he followed his two childhood friends walking out of the station. He looked around as he walk, inhaling the cool breeze of winter with a smile on his face. It’s feels good to be home.

  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

  
“Dad said we could just go around if you’re not tired, um..”

  
Mark, who was walking ahead of the two, looked up from his cellphone as to why Jackson or Tzuyu didn’t answer him. He looked at the couple behind him, and winced at the sight. There they are, the perfect couple, falling in love on first sight, laughing, giggling and touching each other. They looked so happy; Tzuyu was telling Jackson about the changes that happened in the area after Jackson left. Jackson once had promised that he would recognize the one he fell in love with in one of the letter. Letting out a sigh, Mark realized the younger man really did recognized the person he fell in love with. It wasn’t him. It was Tzuyu. It was always Tzuyu. Mark thought he was ready for this, he thought he was ready seeing his best friend and the person he loves being all lovey-dovey in front of his eyes. But he wasn’t. He’s such a fool.

  
“Mark?” Tzuyu’s voice startled the orange haired man. “Are you okay?”

  
“Huh?”

  
“Why are you zoning out and cr—are you crying? Mark?” Tzuyu sounds worried.

  
Mark didn’t realize he had stopped walking and was just looking at the other two until the both of them was close enough to him. Immediately Mark raised one of his hands to touch his own cheek. When he felt the moisture substance dropping from his eyes, he couldn’t help but let out a curse. Jackson, who seemed concerned, took a step closer to Mark.

  
“Are you okay, Mark?”

  
Looking away from his friends, Mark faked a smile and nodded. “What? Yeah, yeah, I’m okay. I’m kinda.. my lenses are a bit dry so I need to.. Anyway!” Mark clapped his hand, changing the topic, “I was asking if.. you wanted to go somewhere before we got home, if you’re not tired. Maybe we could go for a lunch or something?”

  
Jackson was not assured, but Mark refused to look at him. He was vigorously looking left and right, avoiding eye contact with the younger man. Jackson shrugged, stretching his arms out and put on his sunglasses. Turning his head to Tzuyu, he asked the girl, “What about that new tteokppoki place you told me, Tzuyu?”

  
In one of their letter, ‘Tzuyu’ had promised that she’d bring Jackson to a new snack stall near their house which was not there when Jackson moved away. Now was the time for her to do what she promised.

  
Tzuyu, who has no idea, can only shrug. “It’s closed already. It has been for years now. And I don’t even like tteokppoki, Jackson. Ew. It’s super unhealthy,” she said nonchalantly.

  
The young man raised his eyebrows at this words. Did he misheard what she just said? She didn’t like those cute white delicious snack Jackson adores? He didn’t expect Mark to be the one answering his question. Without looking at him, Mark told Jackson there’s a new stall not far from the old one, it tastes exactly like the one that used to eat almost every day after school.

  
“Really? Does it really have the same taste?” Jackson was excited to hear what Mark said. He quickly followed Mark who was already leading them the way to the stall he was talking about.

  
“I think it lacks something, but I’m not sure what it was. It seems like it’s the right taste, but it’s just not,” Mark said. Jackson then saw the blonde hair shuffled cutely as the older man chuckled, “What am I talking about? I’m talking nonsense.”

  
But Jackson didn’t think it was nonsense. “I get what you said, you know.”

  
Jackson wasn’t expecting the rush of relieve when he saw Mark stopped and turned around and didn’t looked like he just cried. The confused expression he was putting on his face was actually kinda cute for Jackson.

  
“I felt like that a lot. Like I was doing the things I was supposed to do or being in the place I should be, but it doesn’t feel right.”

  
Jackson saw Mark’s eyes widen at his words. Mark’s eyes are a perfect shape of almond, with coffee brown irises that can absorb anyone who dared to look straight into them. Well, not sure about anyone, but at least Jackson felt like he can spend forever looking into those beautiful eyes without feeling bor—wait, what was he thinking? Did he just thought that Mark was beautiful? Did he really just thought of another man like that?

  
The black haired male shook his head and closed his eyes, trying to erase the image of Mark’s eyes in his head. “Yeah,” he said, without looking at the other man this time. He directed his head to look at the buildings around him. “Like at school. It’s like.. I have to be there, if not I will get punished. But my heart always belong to someplace else, like my room, or the art and dance studios, or the ice cream parlor, haha,” he lied through the rest of the story, didn’t want to make their conversation too serious. He felt his heart skipped a beat when he heard Tzuyu laughed at what he said, but seeing Mark’s disappointed expression, Jackson can’t help but felt his heart clench. When the older man shook his head weakly, turning his back against Jackson and started walking again, Jackson wished he could swallow back his words. In the end, they decided to just have lunch in a fast food restaurant since they wanted to have more time to walk around before finally going home. Besides, Tzuyu didn’t like tteokppoki. She refused going to the place that sell Jackson’s favorite meal, suggesting the two males to just go there without her sometime. Mark did not look back even once during the rest of their walk to the restaurant, leaving Jackson with Tzuyu who was still explaining animatedly at him about her work now.

  
“—and I had to screen them one by one so that there's no mistakes! I mean, come on, all those numbers, my eyes can—“

  
“Wait wait wait,” Jackson cut Tzuyu’s word. “Accountant? But I thought you said you were a researcher for the anthropology department in Seoul National University?”

  
“Pssh, what?” Tzuyu waved her hands in front of her face and laughed. “No no no, I don’t even understand anthropology. I think you’re talking about Mark. He is a researcher at the place you just mention. His major was anthropology. He’s really into that kind of stuff, cultures and something called eth.. ethco.. etnico.. oh well something about ethnic and music and—“

  
“Ethnomusicology?”

  
“Yeah, yeah, I think that’s it,” Tzuyu nod. “My major was sociology at first, but I got bored there so I moved to—“

  
Jackson didn’t pay attention to what Tzuyu was saying anymore. He looked at Mark’s narrow back who was walking a couple of steps before him and Tzuyu. This is weird, Jackson thought. Really weird.


	5. Nostalgic Rendezvous part 1

The next few days was filled with trips with the whole family to various places. Raymond, who already retired from his job as a senior staff at the United Nation made Ming took a couple of day off from his work place just so they can spend more time with their best friend who was considered as their own family. It was not the perfect timing for the Wang’s to visit Korea in winter because a lot of tourist attractions are not open in winter, but Sophia laughed it off saying that she’s not a tourist. They came to Korea in winter in purpose. They missed the cold weather, they missed the snow since there’s none in Bali. But it was no big deal. In a big group, Myeongdong on the first day. The males and females of the group then split up as the girls went to find make ups and beauty products for Sophia, also looking for coats and winter outfit for her in the women fashion stores, while the guys went to look for jackets, suits, and shoes for Jackson and his father—also for Mark who has been wanting this sneakers from Bean Pole that he saw a couple of days ago. They meet again for lunch at a galbi restaurant they always visit a long time ago. The owner was Raymond’s old friend so they always get big discount whenever they eat there. They walked around until it was almost time for dinner, then they went home to eat Mei’s home-made dinner. Sophia misses her best friend’s cooking so much that she insists that they have to eat dinner at home every day, no eating out, no take outs.

 

On the second until the fifth day, they went around Seoul—buying ethnical stuff, buying gifts for the Wang’s friends in Indonesia at Itaewon, seeing the night-life of today’s Korea in Hongdae, visiting some old friends at Gangnam, even visiting one of Sophia’s cousin in Anyang together. At their fifth night in Seoul, just when they had finished dinner at the Tuan’s, Jackson gave them a surprise. He already bought 8 return tickets to Jeju Island for 3 days and 2 nights. All of them hugged him and thanked him, except Mark who said with a sad expression that he had to work the next day so he couldn’t come with them. Jackson, who won’t listen to none of Mark’s excuse, begged the other guy to go with them, but Mark still said no. He didn’t want to get fired from his job.

On the day they were supposed to go to Jeju, Jackson gave a surprise visit to Mark’s office. He came to Mark’s work room and told him they’re going. Mark’s boss had already gave him the permission after Jackson assured him that Mark will be back in three days and he won’t be neglecting his report. He will fax it, or email it, because technology are pretty modern now.

“You said that to him??” Mark gasped when he heard how Jackson got permission from his boss to take Mark for vacation. “Seriously Jackson?? You said that to him? ‘That technology are pretty modern now and Mark can work from Jeju and it’s a pity you didn’t know that’??”

“That’s not even the best part. You should’ve seen his face when he heard me said that,” Jackson impersonate Mark’s boss shocked face. This made the older male giggled so hard until he had to bend his body because his stomach hurts from laughing. His face was beet red from laughing but it was something Jackson never seen before. And he liked it. Mark’s face was made for this kind of expression. Not the sad and melancholic ones he always wore. “It was priceless.” _Just like yours are right now._

Mark was still laughing hard. After a while, he let out a cough and panted, too tired after laughing so hard for a long time. Jackson patted his back, scolding him gently for laughing wildly like that. “Aigoooo~, seriously Gaga,” Mark finally was able to talk properly, “If I don’t get fired when I get back to work, that means my boss is totally in love with you. Oh my gosh, you’re crazy~”

Jackson unconsciously smile fondly at the nickname. It was a name Mark used to call him with when they were little. He had no idea where Mark got that nickname from, but he liked it. It was somewhat a personal nickname for Jackson. Only Mark get to call him that. His smile widened seeing Mark leaned back and relaxed beside him, the cab driver looking curiously at them through the rearview mirror Mark’s hands are still on top of his aching stomach, his breathing had slowed down, but the petite man still had a smile on his face.

“Why are you forcing me to come, Jackson? I mean, you all could’ve just go and leave me. It’s not like I’m not used being alone. You know my parents like to travel a lot since Dad retired, so.. I’m fine being by myself.”

“Really? They like to leave you alone at home?”

“Yeah,” Mark was a little confused. “You know this, I told you so many times through the let—oh,” Mark raised a hand to cover his mouth. He almost spilled his secrets to Jackson, but Jackson didn’t seem to notice this. He was oblivious to Mark’s panicked face—afraid that Jackson would realize what he said—and he was oblivious to Mark’s disappointed sigh when he said that in her letters, Tzuyu told him her father also left her alone so much.

“So that means you really spend a lot of time together with Tzuyu, huh? I mean, Ming Samcheon is nice, but how could he? Tzuyu only got him, he can’t just leave her alone at home like that for days. I can’t imagine how lonely she was.”

Unfocused, Mark only nodded weakly. Of course. Of course Jackson had to talk about Tzuyu, that’s just how much the other male loves Tzuyu. He couldn’t stop talking about her. Mark was almost at his limits. The past few days was torture for him. He had to see Jackson and Tzuyu feed each other most of the time. He had to witness the smitten look Jackson gave to Tzuyu every time he looked at her. Mark would give anything for Jackson to look at him like that. And just now, Jackson didn’t even react to the fact that Mark gets lonely too every time his parents leave him.

“You... you really love Tzuyu, don’t you?”

Jackson didn’t like the sad tone in Mark’s voice, but he can’t help but smile at the question. “It’s weird, Mark-ah,” Jackson turned to his side, away from Mark. He gazed the road while remembering Tzuyu’s beautiful face that always succeed in making him smile. But that made Mark felt like someone had just stepped on his heart. “It’s weird how... I feel like I know everything about her through the letters she sent me. And you can see how we clicked immediately when we meet. It’s all because of the letters.”

_Yeah, because of the letters._

Jackson heard the man beside him let out a sigh. He turned to face Mark again, startMei the smaller male by touching his hand he had on his lap. “Hey, Yieun..”

Mark’s breath hitched when he heard the nickname. Jackson was the only one who call him with his Chinese name aside from his parents. It has been years since Mark heard Jackson calling him with a nickname Jackson made for hum. There was a warm feeling fluttering from his tummy raising to his chest when he heard Jackson called him that way. He tried so hard to keep his tears from falling, turning away from Jackson was the only way he could hide it.

“Yieun?”

“Why did you never write to me, Jackson?” Mark asked in a small voice, trying hard to make it sound like he wasn’t crying, so that Jackson wouldn’t hear his voice shake. Mark knew he was a cry baby. Back then when he was still bullied, he always come home from school with tears in his eyes. It was the only way he could express the frustration he felt. He didn’t like being bullied. Every day he asked his God why he deserved this. It was still a habit until now, whenever he felt stressed or frustrated or angry or sad or even happy, he cried. Right now, being with Jackson for five full days, he felt like all he did was cry. He didn’t know if it was because he was happy to meet him again, or because he was sad at the circumstances, but Mark felt like he needed the cry.

Jackson seems to be taken aback by Mark’s question. He didn’t have the answer to that. It never occurred to his mind; why didn’t he ever write to Mark? Mark was someone special to him too. He always had this urge to protect Mark from any harm because Jackson hates it when Mark cry. He hated seeing Mark hurting. He hated those people who made Mark cry. Mark definitely holds a special place in his heart. But why did he never even cared about how Mark was doing this past 15 years? Was it because Tzuyu already told him how Mark was doing in her letters? Why didn’t he ever cared about Mark? But then again.. “I... why did _you_ never write to me, Mark?”

 _I did, Gaga. If only you knew, I did._ “Will you... will you ever write back if I did?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jackson reached his arm to touch Mark’s shoulder. “Mark, you are my best friend, of course I would write back to you, why wouldn’t I?”

_Will you fall in love with me too if we write to each other, like you fell in love with Tzuyu through all those letters?_

Mark didn’t answer the question. The atmosphere inside the taxi became awkward. Mark was still looking away from Jackson, while Jackson had turned his gaze back to the road in front of them. He saw how the taxi driver listened to their whole conversation, glancing back every once in a while to make sure the both of them keep it cool, not having a quarrel or any fight. The silence was worse for Jackson, he wished Mark just told him what was wrong, why he suddenly became quiet, refusing any interaction with the younger male.

The rest of the ride was silent. When they arrived at the airport, Mark got off the cab in a flash. Jackson told him earlier that Mark’s parents had taken care of Mark’s need for this vacation. They already brought Mark’s suitcase packed with his clothes and other stuffs with them so Mark didn’t need to worry. After paying the cab, Jackson got off, got checked in and searched for his family and Mark (who already stormed away from him) inside the waiting room. They said they would wait for him inside the waiting area, so Jackson was sure they’re around here somewhere. When he found them, he jogged towards the group, taking his place beside Tzuyu. He smiled and laughed at Tzuyu’s joke and stories, but he couldn’t tore his eyes away from Mark. Especially when he heard Mei asking his son why he looked so gloomy. He wanted to hear the reason too. But to Jackson’s disappointment, Mark just shrugged her off, saying he was just stressed out, that he didn’t get much sleep because he had to study until morning to prepare for his test.

“Hey Tzuyu,” Jackson whispered to the red hair beside him, still locking his gaze on Mark’s petite form, being hugged by his mother.

“Hm?”

“What test are they talking about? What test is Mark going to do?”

Tzuyu raised her eyebrow, looking surprised that Jackson didn’t know. She put down the magazine she was reading, before explaining to Jackson. “He’s going to take his master title in etho.. ethnicolo.. ethmus—“

“Ethnomusicology,” Jackson corrected her.

“Yeah, that, in the Indonesian Institute of Art.”

“Isn’t that in Bali?”

“Exactly. You didn’t know? I thought he would’ve told you since you guys write a lot to each other and I mean... it’s in Bali. Of course he would’ve told you.”

Jackson’s thick eyebrows furrowed. He wanted to ask Tzuyu what she meant with ‘you guys write a lot to each other’, but what came out was, “How could he do that to me?”

“Well, long story short, he applied to some scholarship program, and he passed the first and second stage of the test. Sometime next month he’s going to Bali to have his interview.”

“He’s going to Bali??”

“I think so. He told me that at first they told Mark they’re going to interview him here, but because there’s only 2 or 3 people from Korea that was going to be interviewed, they didn’t want to spend money for their people to come here and used it to fly the scholar candidates there instead.”

“He never said a single word about this to me,” Jackson said, he couldn’t believe Mark never even said a word about this. He never told Jackson he applied for some scholarship in Bali. On top of that, he already passed the first and second stage already! Did he wanted to make a surprise or something? Or did Mark thought it wasn’t necessary for him to tell Jackson that he’s going to move to the same country he’s living in? It’s the same island for crying out loud!

Jackson was pulled out of his thoughts when he felt Tzuyu hugged his left arm. “Hey, don’t look at him like that,” she said, and Jackson realized he was squinting his eyes at Mark as if he wanted to strangle Mark for not telling him all this. Well, yeah, a part of him really wanted to do that. “It’s not his fault, Jackson. You were always with me! You even ignore him sometimes when he was talking because you were busy ogling at my beautiful face,” she said cutely, in a joking tone.

“I did??” terrified at what he just heard, Jackson asked her in a too loud voice, not getting the joke she was attempting. He looked at Tzuyu, not realizing his loud voice has made Mark shifted his gaze to him.

“Uh-huh,” Tzuyu nodded, pulling out her aegyo on him. She knew it was his weakness. Jackson loved Tzuyu’s cute act. “But it’s okay. I understand. I’d do too that if I were you.”

The male she was hugging laughed at this. His raspy and hyena-like laugh resonated, making a few heads turned to look at them. Tzuyu loves to show off Jackson to people. She knows people thinks they are a perfect couple, and she likes to see the acknowledgement in their eyes when they saw her and Jackson.

What she didn’t realize was how her best friend look whenever she did that; his crushed look as he looked away from the two. Excusing himself, Mark said to them that he wanted to go and buy coffee because he felt cold. She didn’t realize how Mark glanced at them as he passed by the couple, and she didn’t realize that for once, for once Jackson was not hugging her back. Instead he was looking at Mark with a guilty look.

Mark got back from buying drinks. He offered his hot latte to Tzuyu, but skipped Jackson. _So he’s still in his ignoring-Jackson-mode, huh?_ Jackson thought.

“Markie Mark, come here sit with us, what are you doing with our parents? They’re making you more depressed with all that questioning.”

Mark only smiled in response, sitting down uncomfortably across Jackson and Tzuyu as he took back his cup from the only girl in their friendship. He tried not to put too much attention to Tzuyu’s arm around Jackson’s. He decided to take out a book from his backpack, deciding to let his mind off to imagination. Hopefully the book can help distract him from being jealous of the couple across him.

“Oh Mark, for the love of—don’t you have any other book to read?”

For the first time in Mark’s life, Tzuyu’s voice felt annoying. For the first time in his life, Mark felt like he wanted to shut Tzuyu up.

“I do,” he answered shortly, not looking up from his book.

“Then why—I don’t understand him,” Mark know she’s talking to Jackson now. “He’s read that book for like... a million time since he bought them. Look look, even the pages are almost torn out. I don’t understand wh—“

“Mitch Albom?”

Mark froze as he heard Jackson’s question.

“For One More Day? You like that book?”

He didn’t answer. He kept his gaze down as he heard Tzuyu snorted. “He LOVES it, Jacks. He adores that person. I mean, I know you’re gay, Mark, but I really thought you would love a real man, like—“

“Stop it, Tzuyu,” Mark’s voice were shaking.

“Hey,” at the same time, Mark heard Jackson protest. “That wasn’t nice, Tzuyu.”

“But he—I mean, that book…” Tzuyu didn’t finished what she said. Instead, she pouted for being scolded by the Jackson.

“You don’t like that book, Tzuyu?” Mark heard Jackson asking Tzuyu. He knows that Tzuyu answered him with the shook of her head because he can hear the jingle of her earrings. ”Not ‘For One More Day’? Do you like Mitch Albom at all?”

“Aish, Jackson-ah, the books I read are Vogue or InStyle or Nylon. I don’t read books like that. Nu-uh.”

Mark knows he’s in trouble. If Jackson talks about the letter now, he’s definitely going to be dead. No way to escape. “But... In the letter—“

Before Jackson finished what he said, an announcement that the plane to Jeju has arrive and the passengers are allowed to board was heard. Saved by the bell, Mark thought. He quickly got up, snatching his bag, walking away to join his parents who was already in queue. But before he left he looked back at his best friends, throwing an awkward smile at Jackson. Then he turned to Tzuyu and he pinched her cheek in attempt to get rid of the sudden awkwardness.

“Those you read are not books, my dear. They’re magazines,” he said in a mocking tone, speeding away as Tzuyu “yah!!!”ed him and move to chase his best friend. Jackson was frozen in his seat, trying to process what just happen. Everything’s just getting more confusing. Why is Tzuyu getting more and more different from the Tzuyu who wrote to him? And why is Mark getting more and more familiar to him? If it wasn’t for Mei’s high pitched voice calling him to hurry up, he’d probably missed his flight as he was so lost in thoughts.

 

* * *

**a/n**

**Indonesian Institue of art (ISI) are located in 3 places in Indonesia : Solo, Jogjakarta, and Bali. The only one with Ethnomusicology major is the one in Jogja, but to make it more fitted to this story, let's pretend there is an ethnomusicology major in ISI Bali. Okay! ^^**

**sorry or any grammar mistakes an typos. Enjoy!**

 

**a.n.n.**

**So I've changed the setting from US to Korea. If I missed something in the middle of it please tell me. Oh, and fellow Indonesians, if there are any mistake, anything including minor mistakes, about our beautiful country, please do not hesitate to tell me (for anyone Korean too).**

**Okay, go on to the reading, then! ^^**


	6. Nostalgic Rendezvous part 2

When they arrive at Jeju, it was freezing cold. All of them checked in to the hotel, deciding to take a rest before exploring Jeju. As Mei had said, it was not a right time for vacation because everything is frozen and you can’t see anything in the snow. But Sophia again laughed her off, saying that she missed the snow so much she didn’t mind seeing the snow even if they take a walk on the beach.

Mark shared a room with Jackson, of course. But the first night at Jeju, after they went to the souvenir shop and had seafood for dinner, Mark didn’t come back to the room. Jackson didn’t see Mark the next day either. Even when they were taking the tour to Mount Halla, or the Goblin Road or to the beaches despite the weather, Mark was nowhere to be seen. Where did he go? What’s the point of taking this trip together if Mark keeps disappearing like this? What’s the point of Jackson making the older potentially getting fired if it feels like he’s not here with them? Jackson wanted to call him, but he realized that he didn’t have Mark’s number. Jackson asked his and Mark’s parents where he went, he also asked Tzuyu and her father, but none of them knew. Mei told Jackson he didn’t have to worry about Mark, he likes to disappear when he has a lot on his mind. He’ll come back eventually, he just needed to clear his mind from the stress eating him out.             

After the exhausting tours, all of the family members decided to go back to their room to take a rest. Room service is their choice for tonight’s dinner. Jackson, who was bored being all alone in his room, thought he could go out to the souvenir shop they went yesterday to buy something he had saw for Tzuyu. He didn’t buy it yesterday because he knew their parents will all get noisy, teasing him until he couldn’t face the world anymore, so he thought it would be better to come back later alone.

 

 

“Good evening, Sir. Welcome,” Jackson heard the girl behind the cashier welcomed him. He was about to greet back when he a blonde haired man standing not far from the girl, examining some colorful stones placed near the cashier desk.

“MARK??”

Said man whipped his head to Jackson’s direction, his eyes widened at the sight. “Jackson?”

“What the hell?? Why are you here?” the younger man stormed towards Mark, approaching him in three big steps he didn’t even know he could take.

“Why am I here?” Mark chuckled. “Weren’t you the one who forced me coming here with you guys, even insulting my boss who probably would kick my ass out of the office by the time we get back?”

“You know I didn’t mean it like that,” Jackson didn’t laugh. It wasn’t funny for him. He spent last night and this day worrying about Mark—that probably he got lost in the forest while hiking or got carried away by the wave while playing in the beach (which probably was impossible remembering the weather). “You disappeared, Markie Pooh! You worried all of us!” it was a lie. Jackson was the only one worried about him. The others seem to know that Mark is doing fine, and him disappearing is apparently something they are all used to.

“Did I, now?” the blonde haired man smiled, wondering where the nickname came from. He moved around the room, leaving Jackson standing on his spot while following Mark’s movement with his eyes. “I thought you guys came here already yesterday?”

“How did you—you saw us?”

“Hmmm..” he nodded. He knows that Jackson was trying to coax him into spilling where he was yesterday, but Mark only smiled, looking at a wood carved to a dolphin statue, trying to read what’s written on it. “Why are you here again, then?”

“Oh!” Jackson suddenly remembered why he was there, forgetting that Mark hadn’t answered his question. He asked for something to the seller, something Mark couldn’t hear. When she handed the item to Jackson, Jackson turned to find Mark was looking at him. “Come here, Yieun.”

Mark obeyed. Jackson has called him without honorific words a couple of time and Mark scolded him from time to time, reminding him to call the older with Hyung or Ge. But today, Mark was not in the mood. He walked towards the other male, who grabbed his shoulders gently to turn Mark to the right. Just then Mark realized they were staring at their reflection in the mirror. Mark’s heart beats crazily against his chest, he was sure it would leave a bruise in the morning. He saw how perfect they were, standing like this with Jackson behind him, holding his narrow shoulders. Jackson is slightly shorter in height, but it didn’t made this position awkward at all. Mark wanted so much to turn around and hug him, but it was impossible,

“Pretty, isn’t it?”

Just then Mark felt Jackson putting something around his neck. A beautiful silver necklace with a heart pendant. Is Jackson...

“Jackson, this is—“

“It looks perfect on you.”

“Jackson..” it was like a dream for Mark. He wanted to pinch himself so hard to see if this was real. Jackson’s breath was tickling his ear, the warm chest pressing his back, it’s all real. It’s not a dream. But good dreams never last long, because then Jackson said something that crushed Mark’s heart into pieces.

“Imagine how beautiful this would look on Tzuyu.”

Mark could hear his heart fall and crash when he heard what the raspy, deep, and seductive voice whispered into his ear. His smile was gone in a second, as Jackson retreated his arm that was circling Mark’s neck. He walked to the cashier, while Mark turned around to look at him.

“Do you know what’s best? This necklace is..” Jackson took the pendant between his thumb and index finger, and twisted it. The silver pendant split into two parts, they were two different pendants, joint because it had magnetic material in it. “I will give Tzuyu this part,” he raised the one he held on his right hand. “Symbolizing that she has my heart. While I’m going to keep the other one, meaning... I hold her heart.”

Mark didn’t say a word. He only looked at Jackson in silence. It seems so impossible for him to break the love Jackson had for Tzuyu, regardless it was him who wrote Tzuyu’s letter to Jackson all this time. Jackson loved her then, he loves her now, and he will always love her. Now Mark understands that. It was time for him to give up, it was time for him to let go of Jackson.

“Mark?” Mark could see the worried look forming in Jackson’s eyes. ”Are you okay? Did I say something wrong?”

Mark let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding, then forced a smile as he looked up to Jackson. “It’s... it’s beautiful, Jackson. I’m sure Tzuyu will love it.”

“I hope so,” not realizing the sad tone in Mark’s shaking voice, Jackson gave the necklace to the seller so she can pack it. He stole a glance at Mark who was just standing there, smiling sadly at Jackson. “Actually,” he suddenly said to the lady behind the counter, “you know what, I’ll take two of these.”

Jackson looked to his right, seeing Mark’s smile has changed into a confused expression. “For you. If ever you find your other half, you should give this necklace to them.”

It crushed Mark, the words that Jackson said. Feeling the hot sensation in the corner of his eyes, Mark closed it. He wasn’t going to breakdown now. Mark has made a decision. He’s going to let his best friends be happy. He can deal with this broken heart. Hell, he’s been dealing with it for 15 years. Even more, if the years before Jackson moved to Bali counts. Mark gave Jackson a small smile, not trusting his voice even for a thanks. When Jackson mirrored his smile and pulled out his wallet to pay, Mark turned around, trying to suppress the tears threatening to fall down.

  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
           

  “It tasted weiiiiii~rd!” Jackson whined. The two males are now sitting facing each other in a small tteokppoki restaurant near the souvenir shop they just visited. Jackson hasn’t eat dinner yet, and he was starving. Mark insists that he already had dinner and didn’t want to eat out, but when Jackson asked Mark with his best puppy eyes, saying that he wanted to eat tteokppoki with his favourite Hyung slash best friend, Mark gave up. Agreeing to the younger man’s request, here they are now sharing a large plate of tteokppoki and fishcakes with beers on the side.

Mark laughed seeing Jackson like that. The child Jackson from 15 years ago was still there. Mark was glad nothing much has changed from his friend. Of course not, he thought to himself, not even his love for Tzuyu.

Jackson saw Mark’s expression darkened. The older actually looked cute now with his lips jutting out, the chopsticks he’s holding still stuck between his mouth, a frown slowly forming on his forehead.

“Yah!” the younger hit Mark’s forehead gently with his spoon. “What’s with the expression?”

Mark shook his head, not wanting to ruin their rare alone time – couchwithoutTzuyucough.

“Nothing.”

Jackson wasn’t convinced, but he decide to let it go this time. After a minute of silence, Jackson cleared his throat. “So.. ,” he broke the silence. “… what’s with this... scholarship thing in Bali... that I don’t know about?”

Mark looked surprised at Jackson’s question. His eyes grew so big Jackson was sure it almost fell of its socket. “I… how did you—I never—Tzuyu told you?”

“Yeah,” Jackson answered casually. “I heard your conversation with your mother at the airport yesterday. You said you were tired and stressed out because you study too much. I asked Tzuyu what that was about. And she told me that… you were going to take a scholarship in Indonesia?”

Mark was contemplating if he should lie, telling Jackson that Tzuyu was just joking. But in the end, he decided to tell Jackson the truth.

“I’ve been in love with music my whole life. If you remember, Gaga, we used to compose together every day, just the two of us.”

“Yeah. Tzuyu was more of a singer, but the both of us made the song. Well, I was just filling the parts you haven’t figured, actually.”

The older laughed out a small chuckle as he look down and shook his head. Jackson thought his blonde hair looked cute in those messy style. “I know right? Tzuyu never did help us. Ahhh those old days. Can you believe it has been 15 years already?”

For a moment, the both of them stayed silent, lost in their nostalgic thought when they were together composing song in Mark’s room. 

 “So... ethnomusicology?” Jackson’s question broke Mark’s train of thoughts. He actually wanted to ask why, why was he the one in ethnomusicology major, while in the letter Tzuyu told him that she... it couldn’t be, could it? That Mark was the one writing all those letters all this time?

“Oh yeah, ethnomusicology. My major is... anthropology, you know that. And I like music, so... yeah, ethnomusicology.”

“But.. Bali? Why Bali? I mean... there’s a lot of other countries more developed in education, especially this kind of major. Why not Australia? Why not the States?”

Mark jutted his lower lips, a habit of his whenever he was thinking. “Why Indonesia… Why why why...” Mark sigh, putting down his chopsticks on top of his empty plate. “Honestly… Do you want to hear my honest answer?”

“Of course I do, why would I want to hear your lies?” Jackson asked, earning a sad smile from Mark. Jackson was confused at Mark’s smile. He just said he doesn’t want to hear Mark lying. Why was he smiling?

“Okay,” Mark nod. “My first reason was, I fell in love with its culture. When we were in elementary school, I heard this music playing from a small grocery store owned by an Indonesian man just across our school, do you remember him?”

“Ah.. I remember. Mrs. Song’s husband, right?”

“Yeah. Doni Ahjussi. He... played some Indonesian traditional song, and I went there, asking him about the music and its originality and stuff.”

“So you got interested in Indonesia’s traditional music? I know some of them. Gending, kroncong, and the instruments are... gamelan and—“

Mark nod his head in a speed Jackson thought the younger’s head would fall off. It was so cute Jackson wanted to pinch him. “Yes yes, gamelan. It produce beautiful sounds, I even get to know one Balinese song. When I found out you were moving, I searched for Bali and got that song, ahhhh so beautiful.”

 Jackson laugh at Mark’s dramatic act. “So that’s why you decide to learn music in Indonesia?”

“Nope.”

“Nope?” the taller asked in confusion. “Not that?”

 “Jackson, I’m taking ethnomusicology as my major. Not just music.”

Jackson tilted his head, he was sure his face looked so dumb right now because he really don’t understand what Mark meant. “Care to… elaborate, Markie Pooh?”

“Oh, oh sorry,” the older man laughed a melodious laugh that Jackson had grew fond of this past few days he spent with Mark. He couldn’t believe how much he missed those laugh he remembered from his childhood. It was still the same, bringing the same effect to him. It warmed his whole body and always brought some kind of calming effect to him. “I... don’t want to sound like I’m lecturing you about something I haven’t mastered in yet, I still don’t know about this field, that’s why I am taking this scholarship.

But what made me interested in learning this was... I… I got amazed at how Doni Ahjussi, talked about Indonesian music. At how he was able to explain his music like it was some kind of… I don’t know. Like even when it’s not familiar to other people’s ear, they would understand how much those music means to him. I want to learn to be able to understand music from that point of view, not just making it and enjoying it, playing instruments. I want to know why I love my music. I want to learn how to tell people about my music like that. I want to be able to analyze music when I heard them, not only playing them but know how to tell people about music, about what music means to me and to other people. What music means to the society. What music means to culture, what it means to the world.”

Jackson smiled in understanding. He saw the passion in Mark’s eye when he was talking, it was the same passion Jackson remembered every time the older was talking about music when they were small. Music was something that cannot be separated from Mark. It was his life, his passion.

“And.. the second reason I chose Bali was..” Mark hesitated. He turned fidgety all of the sudden, Jackson can see him being nervous suddenly. “The other reason was... I got interested of Indonesia because you lived there.”

Jackson didn’t seem to understand what Mark said at first, he gave no reaction, just continued munching a piece of fishcake he took from the plate in the middle of the plate. But when his brain finished processing Mark’s word, he raised his eyebrows. “Really?”

“Yeah. I was.. you know I was attached to you, Jackson,” the words went flowing without control. Mark didn’t plan to confess like this. “You were always... protecting me from the people who made my life miserable. I... I always feel safe around you, knowing you’re there to protect me from any harm. When you left… it was… it was devastating.”

Jackson didn’t respond to Mark’s word. He could only look at Mark with a shocked expression, his mouth hanging open at what the older just confessed.

“I.. It’s good knowing you’re doing fine there, living your life, learning things you love the most—painting, learning new things like surfing and traditional dance. I’m happy that you’re happy. It’s just... it’s just sad that... you didn’t care whether your best friend here, was happy or not after you left.”

“But.. but Tzuyu said, in her letters..”

“Tzuyu said what she had to say. I didn’t want to burden you. I know, even if you ever asked about how I was doing in high school, I would’ve said that I was fine. I would’ve said I enjoyed high school, even when the truth was, I was ready to kill myself.”

 “Yieun—“

“If I didn’t think about my family, and Tzuyu and her father, who were always there for me—they were the only ones who love me, you know. If it weren’t for them I’d probably would’ve killed myself. I did try to learn martial arts, it did help me reduced my bruises because sometimes I was able to block some of their punches and even hit them. But... it’s not the same. I don’t have the popularity, the impression that could make people respect me. It’s just..,” Mark stopped talking, snorting instead. He hates the tears that always come out in sentimental times like this, and he hates that Jackson had to see it all the time.

“Yieun...” Jackson couldn’t say anything coherent but to call the other man’s name.

“Oh my God,” Mark let out a coarse laugh, wiping his tears and snot with the back of his hand. “I’m such a sap. No wonder they always call me fag, or gay—“

“Mark, don’t say that.”

“You know what, Gaga, one thing I learned from those bullies was… everything they said, everything, was like a prayer. It all came true.”

Jackson frowned. He doesn’t like what Mark was talking about. Since when did the calm and positive Mark Tuan he knew became someone like this?

“The call me nerd, they said I will spend my whole life doing nothing but sitting in front of a computer, working and not enjoying life. It really came true. No, don’t frown,” he quickly added when he saw Jackson was about to protest. “I haven’t finish what I said. The only thing they were wrong about was the not enjoying life part. I did became a nerd who dedicate my life for work, but I enjoyed it. It’s my life, and I enjoy it.”

“That’s good,” Jackson finally smiled. He was genuinely happy hearing Mark enjoyed his life.

“And you know what else came true?”

“Hm? What else?” Jackson raise the last piece of rice cake on the big plate to his mouth.

“I did became what they always say I will be. A worthless fag.”

The younger male chocked on his food when he heard what Mark said. He coughed hard, dropping his chopsticks with a loud clang. This made Mark laugh at him, offering him a glass of water. When Jackson’s cough has reduced to small ones, his face was red and he had tteokppoki sauce all over his mouth. Mark smiled at this, reaching over with a napkin in his hand to clean Jackson’s mouth. Mark really didn’t realized what his action did to Jackson’s heart. It was beating crazily. Jackson knows this is weird, but he cannot stop it. 

“Oh, I’m sorry I laughed. I didn’t mean to... I mean...” Mark couldn’t help but laugh again. But his laughter didn’t last long. When he was about to pull back his hand, suddenly long fingers caught his small wrist, holding his hand on place. Mark looked at the larger fingers holding his small wrist, feeling his face turning red.

“Uh... Jackson?”

“Do you really… do you really think that low about of yourself?”

Shit, Mark thought. Jackson always had a way to make him tear up. Does he really like to see my tears?

“Are you homophobic or something?” Mark tried to pull his hands away from Jackson’s hold. But Jackson was stronger, he always was. “You like me less now that you know I’m gay? You think I’m that low because I’m a faggot?”

“I never said that.”

“But you thought about it,” Mark insisted. Harshly he pulled his arm from Jackson’s grasp.

“No, I don’t! Why are you so stubborn, Mark? I’m not a homophobic, I have a lot of gay friends in Bali,” it was how you said it, Jackson wanted to say. It was how Mark said fag or faggot instead of gay, that what makes Jackson felt his heart broken. Why did Mark thinks so low about himself? “I have a neighbor from Germany, his name is Jack. He’s my closest friend there, we spend almost every day together. He was my classmate, also my surfing partner. And you know what? He got a surgery. He was not just gay, he’s now Je—“

“Jenny,” Mark finishes Jackson’s story.

“How..”

“Tzuyu,” Mark quickly answer. “Tzuyu.. told me that you told her.. about him. No, her. No,” Mark shook his head in a cute motion that made Jackson smile. “About Jenny.

 Jackson was about to ask Mark if Tzuyu told him everything he wrote in the letters or if Tzuyu let Mark read their letters, but he decided not to dig deeper about how Mark almost always knows everything he told Tzuyu in the letter. He also didn’t want to believe it was Mark who wrote to him instead of Tzuyu, although something in the back of his head keeps saying so. It was a silly thought. Maybe she always told Mark what he said in the letters. You know, girls.

“Yeah,” Jackson nod. “I don’t judge people just because they are different from me. We are all human being, we have our own choices.”

The blonde haired didn’t answer. Yeah, different from Jackson. Of course he is different from Jackson. Jackson is straight, while Mark is... Is Mark gay? No, he is not gay. He only loves Jackson. He only ever loved one man his whole life. Mark didn’t say anything even when Jackson put his hand on top of Mark’s right hand laying on the table. But his heart sure beats a lot faster than normal.

 “I’m sorry if you ever feel like I don’t care about you all this years,” Jackson apologized sincerely. “It’s not that I don’t care. Tzuyu constantly told me how you were doing. She told me everything about you even without me asking. It feels like I never moved. I know it’s not the same. I got worried sick thinking about you without me. Who will protect you? Who will get stuffs you couldn’t reach on the shelf? Who will walk home with you when Tzuyu has band practice? Who will write the missing parts in your song? Who will sing the songs for you while you danced to it? I thought about it all. But... but you never send any letters to me. Never asked me how I was doing. You never even send your love or say hi through Tzuyu. I thought you forget about me. I didn’t think that me leaving would affect you that much.”

“Are you trying to make this my fault?”

Instead of being angry at Mark’s accusation, Jackson laughed. He squeezed Mark’s hand he was holding. “No~, of course not. What I’m saying is... I thought you were doing fine without me. I wasn’t angry, or disappointed, or sad, no. Instead, I was really happy that you finally find a way to stand for yourself, Mark. I’m happy you can survive without me,” but remembering what Mark just told him, Jackson’s expression turned dull. “I never thought it got worst until you wanted to k—kill..”

Jackson couldn’t continue. He closed his eyes painfully, not wanting to imagine anything bad happening to the other boy he was so fond of. He felt the other man turned his hand so that his palm and Jackson’s palm meet then joined their fingers, and Jackson opened his eyes at this. His gaze softened at the sight of Mark’s eyes, shinning slightly with tears.

““It’s good to know that.,. that it’s all a misunderstanding,” Mark tightened his hold on Jackson’s hand. He really didn’t want to continue this talk or he’ll end up confessing everything to Jackson, including his feelings. “The point is... I fell in love with Indonesia, and I want to learn about what I love there, music. So... can’t you just accept it and at least pretend to be happy that I’m going there?” the older tried to joke, earning a crushing squeeze from Jackson that made him had to pull back his long and lean fingers to save it from bone fracture. Seeing Jackson laughing was the most beautiful sight to Mark. Mark didn’t want to hear Jackson talk any further. He didn’t want to fall deeper for Jackson, so he need to stop hearing Jackson saying things with those affectionate tone and those gentle look. Mark will drown deeper if he let Jackson keep talking. The man had made a pact with himself that he was going to let Jackson go for the sake of his friendship with Tzuyu, and he was going to keep that promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n  
> why do I feel like a lecturer teaching you guys about Indonesia's culture? LOL. Well just fyi, I love to share the beauty of Indonesia's culture so you'll probably have to deal with me talking about this thing (especially Balinese culture since there's where one of our main character lived for half of his lifetime) for the next chapters too, haha. Can't help it when you're a fanfic writer and an anthropology graduate at the same time, lol. I go to Bali twice a month for work, so I know pretty much about their culture. Even so, if there are any mistakes, fellow Indonesians, please do tell me, because I’m not an expert. I’m just sharing what I know.
> 
> Oh, and Tzuyu is nice, she really is hahaha. In this story, she is not mean. She is just a babo who happened to fall in love with Jackson. She loves Mark so much, too, and never did anything to hurt Mark on purpose. So please love her too, guys! ^^
> 
> Forgive any typos! To all readers, who commented and those who does not, I give you my biggest thanks. Love you. See you next chapter, guys. Enjoy!


	7. Oh My Heart Hurt So Good

  
            Tzuyu looked at the mirror, not believing the wide smile plastered on her face. It has been there since a week ago. Since she Amet Jackson, she didn’t expect it to be like this. She was just supposed to pretend she was the person who replied all Jackson message, she was just supposed to pretend that she was the person Jackson fell in love with. She wasn’t supposed to fall in love with Jackson in return. She—wait, did she just said she fell in love? Tzuyu could see her own cheeks turning crimson red in the reflection. Did she really fall in love with Jackson? This wasn’t supposed to happen. No, no, no, no.

               “I’m not in love with Jackson,” Tzuyu said to herself, moving her hands to turn on the faucet and splashed water to her face. She was trying to push away images of Jackson. Who would’ve thought the Jackson she knew—the one she despised a lot because he wasn’t good looking enough to be her friend—grew into an amazingly handsome man? Tzuyu never saw a man like him before. He sure was a wonderful creation of God. She was so lucky he fell in love with her. The rose haired let out a high pitched squeal when the last thought popped to her mind. Jackson is in love with her. Jackson is in love with Chou Tzuyu. Jackson is—

               “Ahk!!” Tzuyu couldn’t stand it. She ran outside her bathroom and flopped herself on top of the mattress. Jackson and Mark’s mothers is out for some coffee, so Tzuyu had the room for herself at least until midnight. “Jackson is in love with me... he is in love with me... he is in—“

               A ring of the doorbell popped the image of Jackson she was imagining in her head. She groaned, getting up in a lazy motion. “Ah, who in the world... it’s in the middle of the night for God’s sak—Jackson??”

               Tightening her robe, Tzuyu gasped when she saw Jackson standing in front of her door. The man as always look incredibly handsome only wearing a thick baby blue sweater and a green colored khaki pants that was so unmatched the fashion police should’ve arrested him. But this was Jackson. Anything would look good if he was the one wearing it.

               “Hi, Tzuyu,” the low voice put a shiver through Tzuyu’s spine. “Did I... were you asleep?”

               “Oh... no. I just showered. What’s up?” she tried to keep her cool, although inside her heart was beating like crazy.  _Calm down. Calm down. Calm down_. She kept telling herself. “Do you wanna come in?”

               “Uh, no. It’s fine. I’m just dropping by to give you something.”

               “Really? What—oh, hi, Markie!”

               Mark’s existence went unknown by Tzuyu, until the older—the always clumsy Mark—dropped the watch he was playing with, causing a loud thud that made the couple in front of him acknowledge his presence.

               “Hi, Tzuyu,” Mark gave her a small smile, waving his hand weakly to her before crossing it in front of his chest again “Don’t mind me, continue your conversation. I’m just waiting for Jackson.”

               “Where are you guys from? You guys seem awfully happy,” even behind his poker face expression, Tzuyu could see Mark was happier than he was yesterday when she last saw him.

               Jackson answered for Mark, getting Tzuyu’s attention back to him. “Mark took me to eat some tteokppoki just down there.”

               “At last!”

               “Yeah, at last,” Jackson chuckled at how the girl in front of him clapped her hands. Genuinely happy. Jackson knows Tzuyu was only happy because finally Mark got to eat tteokppoki. He had been wanting to eat them with Jackson since forever. “So... um... I want to check up on you since.. you’re alone. You know how my mom and Mark’s Mom is. They can chat until the sun rises.”

               “I know. They need it, Jackson. God knows how much they missed each other and they would’ve wanted to catch up on each other’s life, you know.”

               “Yeah,” Jackson smiled. Tzuyu was surely a nice daughter. His mother will be thrilled if this girl was her daughter in law. The thought that passed Jackson’s mind made him felt a blush creeping up to his face. Seems like Tzuyu realized him suddenly being stiff. She reached out to brush her hands to Jackson’s.

               “Jackson? You okay?”

               “Uh..”

               Tzuyu laughed at his nervousness. She’s nervous herself, but she is Chou Tzuyu, the heartbreaker. She’s never nervous in front of a guy before, why must she now?

               “Hey Mr. Hawaii,” she used the nickname she gave Jackson. “You said there’s something you wanted to give me?”

               Jackson looked surprise, suddenly reaching his back pocket and collecting something out. “Oh yeah,” he said. “It’s.. something I.. bought in the souvenir shop. I.. thought.. well.. it’s for you, Tzuyu.”        

               Tzuyu took the small box Jackson was holding out. Opening it, Tzuyu gasped at what’s inside. “The necklace of love! Jackson.. I’ve seen my friends get this kind of necklace from their boyfriend. They said it’s brings good luck, it ties you together with your partner until forever. Most of them did get married. And—oh, I mean..” realizing what she just said, Tzuyu covered her mouth with her hand. She can see Jackson smirking at her words. The smug bastard, he must’ve enjoy my embarrassment. Before Jackson could say anything, Tzuyu took the box from Jackson.

               “Hey!” the taller protest. “I’m supposed to..”

               “It’s late. You should go back to your room and rest. You shouldn’t be at a single lady’s room so late at night like this.”

               The teasing Tzuyu just gave Jackson excited him. He took a step forward, giving Tzuyu his widest smirk. She can feel Jackson breathe so close to her, she just have to stand on her tiptoes to make their lips touch. “Good night, Jackson Wang,” in a seductive voice she said to the man in front of him.

               “You wanna know how we say goodnight in Bali?”

               “Hmm?”

               “You can’t be so far away,” even when they are already standing so close, Jackson took another step forward so the tip of his shoes are touching the tip of Tzuyu’s slipper. “Your eyes have to be closed,” Jackson brushed his fingertips just enough to make Tzuyu close her eyes. He leaned forward slowly, ignoring the shuffling of footsteps behind him, tracing Tzuyu’s lips with his finger. Just before he touched her lips with his, Tzuyu opened her eyes, grabbing Jackson’s finger on her lips, holding it in place.

               “Too fast, Mister,” she whispered.

               Jackson sighed, but smiled nonetheless, bringing Tzuyu’s hand in his and kissed her fingertips. “Goodnight, Chou Tzuyu.”

               She smiled so wide that she was sure her face will split in two. She forced herself to step back, slowly walking backwards to her room. Her eyes was locked on Jackson, not realizing her best friend was already gone from her sight. When she was inside her room, she closed the door slowly, still looking and smiling at Jackson but her hand moved to the door knob. With Jackson’s touch still lingering on her skin, she closed the door. As soon as the door closed completely, she let out a squeal, turning around threw herself to the mattress. Ahhh.. she really is falling hard and fast for Jackson.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

               Mark didn’t know how he was able to leave his spot in front of Tzuyu’s hotel room, nor did he know how he was able to successfully return to the room he shares with Jackson through the tears blurring his eyes. The only thing he remembered was his heart, which he didn’t know was still there, stopped for a few seconds when Jackson moved closer to Tzuyu, leaning his face to her, kis—

               “AAAAAAGH GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!!” Mark screamed. He didn’t care if anyone else hear what he said. He didn’t care if he had decide he would be a good friend for Jackson and Tzuyu, and being okay with all this. For a while, he just wanted to be a normal person whose heart just broke into a million pieces, again. Mark ran to the bathroom, closing the door with full power, and slammed his hand to the wooden door, making his palm pulsing in pain. But he didn’t care. For a while, he didn’t want to care about anything. This is all to hard for him. Why, oh why life was that hard for him?

               Mark didn’t know how long he has been crying in the bathroom, from screaming and hitting walls, until it reduced to small sobs. His form once curled in the corner of the bathroom finally stood up, looking at the reflection of himself in the mirror. He winced at the sight. His eyes was bloodshot red and swollen from too much crying, his nose was equally red. His orange strands are a mess, and oh boy he looked like a broken hearted guy. Wait, he _is_  a broken hearted guy. Mark slumped down the floor again, wiping his tears with his aching palm. Leaning his head to the wall behind him, Mark hummed a tune he know from a long time ago. A tune he always hummed when it was too much. Too much happiness, too much sadness, too much love, and too much pain.

 

 

 

 

_Hi Tzuyu!_

_It’s good to know you got good grades. I never knew you were that smart to get first place in class. Haha. No no, just kidding. I thought that Mark was the smartest of the three of us, and I thought it would stay like that. It’s good to hear you study a lot. Hey you know what, yesterday I was playing with an instrument I found at my dining room table, a suling. Do you know what a suling is? It’s pretty much like a flute, made from bamboo and you blew it to make sound. You play it sideways, not like a recorder. So,.  I played a tune while looking at the sunset in front of me. To be honest. The tune wasn’t made because I was thinking of you, kekeke. Oh well, maybe a part of it was inspired by you. But it was such a beautiful sight in front of me, and it went so perfect with the tune I played. I know it’s not the best melody, and it sounds kinda gloomy. But I really like to hum it – since there is no lyrics yet – whenever I feel like it. Whenever I feel down, singing this tune made me feel a lot lot better.. I wanted to share it with you, I’m going to attach the file with this letter. I hope you tell me what you think of it. Even if you don’t like it, you can tell me. Oh well, I gotta go make my homework. I’ll be waiting for your reply, dear Tzuyu._

_Love,_

_Jackson_

 

 

* * *

 

**a/n**

**Sorry it's short and angsty. I'll make up for it next chapter! Hugs and kisses for all of you who read and  comment to this story! ^^**

 

**ps**

**the tune Jackson composed was ILYSB by Lani, with no lyrics yet ^^**

**pss**

**sorry for any grammar mistake, too sleepy haha.**

 

 


	8. The Paradise Island

  
On their last night in Jeju, Jackson walked into the room to find Mark already curling to his sides on his bed, sleeping peacefully. Strands of blonde soft hair falling to his face, covering his closed eyes. Jackson kneeled beside the bed when the other let out a soft whimper, his eyebrows furrowed and thick lips pouting. The raven haired extended his arms, carefully soothing Mark’s brows with his thumb. Seeing the older face relaxed, Jackson let out a relieved sigh. He smiled, standing up to change his clothes. He heard Mark humming a faint tune in his sleep, but Jackson couldn’t hear clearly what he was humming. Right when he moved closer to Mark to listen better, the elder stopped his humming, turning around to his other side cutely. Jackson smile fondly at the sight. He didn’t know why his heart feel content when he saw Mark sleeping calmly like that. Maybe he liked Mark. Maybe... Shrugging the thought away, Jackson continued his forgotten task, changing his clothes and washing up before laying on his own bed to finally close his eyes with a smile plastered on his face remembering what happened with Tzuyu earlier.

Jackson never saw Mark again since they part ways in Gimpo airport back from Jeju. Mark said that he must go straight to the office, because he had to talk to his boss, to make sure he didn’t get fired because his childhood friend insulted the boss before dragging said employee out of his office for a vacation to Jeju. All of them laugh at this, but Jackson genuinely felt guilty. He had offered to accompany Mark to the office to talk to the boss, seeing that he was at fault, but Mark politely refused, saying he can handle it by himself. So that was the last time Jackson had saw Mark, going off in a cab with tired eyes. Mark never came home since that day. Jackson waited up for him almost every night even when Yoona already told him not to, because Mark has his busy schedule. When it happens, Mark could stay in his office for nights. The university provides him with a room if he ever needed to stay over for a project. The longest time he didn’t come home was for a month. Probably Mark was just busy this time, too. Mobody could hold him back in doing what he love, and working was something he loves a lot. Jackson had hoped Mark would come to say goodbye before he went back to Bali, but Mark didn’t even showed up. His parents, Mark’s parents, and Tzuyu sent him off to the airport the day he had to go. Tzuyu said Mark sent a text message to her, apologizing for not sending Jackson off, but it wouldn’t make any difference anyway. Tzuyu just laughed off when Jackson said, of course it’s different. But until he had to board to the airplane, Mark was nowhere in sight. Jackson finally left, after bidding goodbye to Tzuyu saying that he will come visit again soon and with a promise that he will propose Tzuyu when they meet again, saying that he will not forget to keep his health to Yoona, and reminding his parents to not forget to come back to Bali soon because their son still needs them at home even when he’s already 25.

So here Jackson was now, lying on the floor of his of his father’s studio. He’s been home for a week, doing nothing but painting. His father’s workshop was located in a complex where their house is also located, along with small houses of other dance teachers and painters. It was still open even though Xihao—as the main teacher and practically the principal of the painting and traditional dance studio—has yet return to Bali. The lessons are still going, most of the teachers are there anyway. Also Jackson still have to do his job; practicing, teaching, and getting prepared for a dance show which will be held in two weeks. But he has no energy to dance right now, or to surf. His friends has been coming to visit him and forcing him to go to the beach with them, but Jackson said to them he was still tired and still jetlagged. Just when he was about to drift to slumber land, Jackson’s nose caught a very familiar smell.

“Uhh.. I must be really tired and still missed Seoul. Nobody sell tteokppoki around here,” he told himself. He tried to get back to relaxing and trying to sleep, but he couldn’t. The smell was too strong. He finally decided to open his eyes again, “I wonder… _Hey, Bli Putu_..”

He stood up, made his way outside to ask one of the other teachers who lived with his family there. The other was painting on the studio’s porch.

“ _Bli, lagi ada yang mas—“_ he was just asking Putu if there was anybody cooking something with Korean ingredients, but when he saw who his senior was talking with—while munching something the other had on his lap, Jackson couldn’t believe his eyes. “—MARK!?!?!?!?”

The lithe man sitting beside Putu threw Jackson his gummy smile, waving excitedly when he saw Jackson. “ _Om swatiastu_ , _Bli_ Jackson,” Mark greeted Jackson in Balinese language.

“The hell?? What are you doing here???” Jackson rushed to Mark’s side, slapping his shoulder hard till the other winced in pain. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming??? Why in the world—yahhh!!!!”

Putu laughed his heart out seeing Jackson scolding and screaming at Mark, shaking the smaller shoulder until he was rocking back and forth on his chair.

“Ey ey ey, Jackson, _sudah sudah..,_ ” Putu was still laughing seeing them, it was entertaining, but he decided to stop Jackson. He doesn’t want Jackson to kill his best friend who just arrived from miles away, does he? “He came from far away to see you. Don’t kill him,” Putu said in his accented English.

“But how could… I mean, why are you here? And did I smell.. tteokppoki!!!” Jackson squealed in a happy tone when he saw what Mark had in his hand. “Where did you buy this?? Markie Pooh, oh my God, can I eat this now please please please?”

Putu shook his head at the sight of childish Jackson. He had known Jackson since the boy first moved to Bali, and he treated Jackson like his own little brother. He’s seen all of Jackson. His good side, his bad; how he sulk, how he is when he’s angry, how he is when he’s sad, how he is when he’s happy. He knew Jackson since he was 10, but he felt like he knew how Jackson was when he was still a child; seeing how he acted like a five years old sometimes. Just like now as he ate his favorite food which was rare to find around their neighborhood. The Balinese man decides to leave the two friends to talk. He knows how Mark, Jackson’s friend, feel about Jackson. He can feel it just by a brief conversation he had with Mark. He mirrored the smile Mark had as he listened as the young man talk about Jackson. And he was sure there’s something there in Jackson too, because he saw how Jackson’s eyes lit up when he saw Mark.

“So, when’s your interview’s scheduled?”

Jackson, chewing the rice cake chunks Mark fed him, asked the older. He already knew what Mark was coming for, actually. He didn’t know why inside his heart, he hoped to hear Mark say that he came because he misses Jackson, because he wanted to see Jackson, not because of his scholarship.

“Tomorrow,” he answered, offering Jackson another piece of the food, which Jackson received happily. He opened his mouth, letting Mark feed him and wiped his mouth every now and then cleaning it from the sauce.

“Awesome. It’s decided.”

The now pink haired male looked at the other beside him. “What’s decided?”

As the younger turned his head so the both of them are now face to face, Mark can see a wide grin plastered on his face. “After your interview, we explore Bali.”

“But..”

“No buts, Mark Tuan Yien! This is Bali, baby!” Jackson extend his arm, making Putu who just got back bringing two glass of water sulked because his shoulder was being slapped by Jackson. Mark laughed at it, but he nodded at Jackson’s word. Well, at this point, anything Jackson wished for is Mark’s command. Anything.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Bali is nothing like Mark has ever experienced. The atmosphere of the city, of the whole island, was magical. People were modern, but also traditional at the same time. Mark has never seen anything like it before. Every morning, Jackson took Mark to the temple, called pura, to pray, before they start exploring Bali. Jackson has brought him to the biggest pura in Bali, and probably in the world, Pura Besakih. It was amazing to hear that every year, a ceremony was held in that pura with Hindus from every part of the world attend. He took Mark to the rice fields that was listed as the world heritage there. Jackson explained to Mark how the farmers still do traditional watering management system called Subak, which was a manifestation of a philosophy held high in the Balinese culture, the Tri Hita Karana; how people can create a harmony between people, a harmony with the nature, and a with their God. He knows Mark is interested in these kind of things; all the cultural and traditional stuff people do, so he felt giddy and warm inside when Mark asked a lot of questions about this (thank God Jackson was also interested in culture too) and how Mark’s eyes lit up at his explanations. These kind of conversations was just like the ones they did in their letters. Heavy topics made into small talks and somehow topics about culture and tradition didn’t seem so heavy and difficult. _Wait,_ Jackson thought to himself. _It was Tzuyu. The one I always had conversations with about culture in letters was Tzuyu, not Mark,_ he scolded himself for the mistake.

Jackson also took Mark to every possible beach there; Nusa Dua, Seminyak, Kuta, Sanur, Pandawa and lots of many other to learn to surf, or just for an afternoon stroll. Mark got lost once in Kuta because it was very crowded, but fortunately he found Jackson who was worriedly asking to people if they saw a small Korean man with beautiful features and light blonde colored hair. Mark blushed at the mention of beautiful, but quickly controlled himself and went to approach Jackson. The tall lad was relieved to know Mark is safe. He didn’t even realized Mark’s hair was no longer blonde now but pink, warning the other man to never go out of his sight again. So Mark spend the rest of his vacation clinging to Jackson’s protecting arm every time they went out.

“Gaga, why do they put offering on big trees and gave them clothes? And how on earth people here kept trees this big? Like, this one must be more than 100 years old!” Mark asked one day when he saw an enormous tree standing strong in the middle of a complex of a pura they’re visiting. The tree has a black and white checkered cloth circling its huge stem, and the young anthropologist inspected the offerings placed in front of the tree. Jackson, who was smiling as he watched Mark’s amazed face, moved to stand beside him. He clasped his palm together and raised it above his forehead, giving his respect to the Gods he believed in. Mark just cannot fathom how amazingly stunning Jackson looked in his white buttoned shirt, a Balinese cloth above his pants, and an udeng (a Balinese traditional material used like a head band, but Mark can’t help but laugh at the name. It reminds him of a street food he likes to eat). Jackson just looked so much like a… Balinese. Before, Jackson and his family was an atheist. They believe no Gods. But since they move to Bali, they got affected by the way Balinese people live. Being taught by Putu’s father who was a Hindu priest, Jackson learned the way Balinese people live according to their religion. Just like how it’s quoted in one of the movies Jackson watched, every soul in Bali has the same belief; _in order to be happy you must know where you are. Not too much God, not too much selfish, otherwise, life’s too crazy. You lose balance, you lose power_. (From Eat, Love and Pray by Elizabeth Gilbert)

“Here, people believe that every living thing, and dead, has a soul. Every tree, every stone, every rock, every flower—“ Jackson opened his eyes and turned to look at Mark, lowering his hands to his side. “—has spirits who take care of them. Guarding them. Guarding us. When people live believing this, they respect others. Humans, and other God’s creation,” Jackson said as he walked away to sit at one of the stone chair across the tree. Mark followed him suit, listening to every word Jackson said seriously. “Remember the Tri Hita Karana?” Mark nodded at this. “If people still hold this kind of belief, that every element has its guardian and the guardian will get angry if we hurt what they guard, people will stop destroying. We can live in sync with other God’s creation; animals, plants, nature… humans.”

Mark sat beside Jackson, looking at the big tree across them. He absorbed every single word Jackson said. Jackson was right. Because people respect of the spirits living inside the trees, they don’t cut down the tree. Because they respect the spirits living in the river, they don’t throw wastes in there. That’s how they preserve their nature, their home. The wisdom of the philosophy struck Mark. He wasn’t just amazed at the nature scenery of Bali that was mesmerizing, he also fell in love with the Balinese philosophy of living. No wonder Jackson loved staying here. No wonder he became so matured and wise now, and no wonder Mark fell deeper for the younger man. Deep, hard and fast.

On the afternoons, Jackson made Mark attended the traditional dance class at the Wang’s Studios. On Mark’s first day in Bali, Jackson had asked Mark to join the performance his father’s studio was doing. At first Mark refused, but with Jackson’s constant persuasion, and constant bribery (who can ever turn down an offer to eat very very delicious gelato and Jackson’s cooking of Indonesian food every night for free?), Mark agreed to join. Jackson promised him it won’t be hard. He will only be a part of a group of men chanting words as the main dancers play their role in the performance. He trusted Mark being taken care by one of the professional dancer in the group, Wayan. So Mark became a part of the Kecak Dancer group, practicing under the supervision of Wayan and other seniors. Mark dozed off most of the time, focusing too much in watching Jackson practicing his performance. His best friend played as one of the main role, a monkey soldier called Hanoman. It was funny seeing him act like a monkey, and Mark thought there’s no other role that fit more to Jackson’s character but this. He once asked Jackson how he can play the character so well, and Wayan who was eating with them said that probably Jackson was a monkey in his past life, earning him a hard slap on his back and Mark can’t help but laugh till his eyes went watery.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Yien-ah?”

Jackson found Mark inside the dressing room alone, while others are already outside, preparing for their performance. It was D-Day. It was the day Mark will perform the dance with the others, and he never felt so nervous in his life before.

“Hey, why are you still here?” as he walk in, Jackson can see Mark was sitting in one of the chair, biting his nails off his fingers in his one hand while the other hand was fiddling with a yellow frangipani flower. He looked so nervous and worried that Jackson couldn’t help but chuckled at the sight. “Markie Pooh? Are you nervous?”

“The hell I am, Gaga,” Mark said in a mumble. Of course he’s nervous! He never had to perform anything in front of so many people before. He is a scientist who worked alone! He felt Jackson sat beside him. He tried so hard not to look at Jackson, because if he did, his eyes will automatically divert to the younger man’s toned bicep under his tight white costume. Mark had been looking at it the whole time at their last rehearsal, and it’s quite distracting.

“Hey, it’s okay. Don’t be so nervous.”

“How can I?” Mark answered him. “What if I mess up?”

Jackson was taken aback by Mark’s word. He looked at Mark’s worried face without saying anything for a while, until he saw the pout forming on Mark’s lips. Laughing at the cute habit, Jackson took Mark’s hand in his.

“Hey, hey, look at me,” the older obeyed, shifting to look at the eagled eye man, still pouting, but already feeling better. “I asked you to join this performance so you can have fun. There are like thirty other people there with you, and they will back you up if you ever make any mistakes. If you feel like you forgot your next move, just look around and do what the others do. I will be there too, even if not beside you, but I’m performing _with_ you. You won’t mess up, Tuan Yien.”

Mark’s pout was gone the moment Jackson finished his ‘speech’, but the pink haired still looked worried. “But what if I do?” he was not assured yet. “What if I make a mistake? No, what if I make a lot of mistakes?”

“A few mistakes won’t mess this up. This is a performance we’ve prepared for months. We practiced this every day for months. There’s a bond between every soul involved in this performance. I don’t expect you to grasp that bond immediately, but I hope you can see how it works. A few mistakes won’t mess something this big, okay?” Jackson raised one of his hands to caress Mark’s cheek. “Don’t worry too much. Have fun, Mark. You’ll feel okay once you start the performance, I assure you.”

“You promise, Gaga?”

Jackson smiled at the nickname. It was always heart-warming whenever Mark was acting whiney and childish instead of being so cold. Jackson liked Mark’s childish act better than the strong façade he showed to everyone. How is it they can manage to switch personalities so fast? Whenever Jackson feel like being whiny and spoilt, Mark was suddenly so wise and can handle Jackson perfectly. And so is Jackson when Mark’s being a bitch.

The slightly shorter guy took the yellow flower on Mark’s hold. His eye shifted to the smaller body in front of him. Jackson never thought Mark’s bare chest would look so amazing. He took his time taking the flower to his hand, eyes returning to lock Mark’s gaze, fingers brushing Mark’s other hand on top of the red and black checkered fabric he wore around his hips. Jackson slipped the flower above Mark’s right ear, folding back a few strands of hair while doing it. “Always, baby,” Jackson unconsciously said with one hand on the back of Mark’s head, while the other hand still cupping Mark’s cheek.

All kinds of warning alerts screamed in both of their heads. _May day! May day!!_ Mark felt like his heart was falling in light speed. He can feel his cheek in Jackson’s hold turning red. He tried to pry his eyes away from Jackson’s intense stare, but just like when they were still children, Mark can never do that. Jackson’s eyes are too hypnotizing. Once Mark got lost inside of it, he couldn’t find his way out.

But this time, the way out came in the form of Wayan, who knocked at the dressing room door. Jackson had only seconds to pull his hand away from Mark, before Wayan peeked inside the room. He was already wearing his performance costume. He’s playing as the main character for this play, Rama, who in the story was a handsome man that lost his wife to an evil giant that kidnapped her. Jackson’s role was to help Rama get his wife back. Mark had seen Jackson practiced a couple of time, and he was amazing in all the graciousness of his move, though he was supposed to be an enthusiastic character, he did it in style.

“We’re starting in 2 minutes, are you guys not done yet?” he said in Bahasa. Mark only understand 2 words from what he said; dua (2), and minutes. So he assumed that they are starting in two minutes. Jackson who looked at the older man when he asked, turned his head back to Mark.

“You can do this, Mark. Like I said, have fun up there, don’t think about anything else,” reaching his arm out for Mark to take. “You ready?”

Mark looked at Jackson’s extended arm, taking it as he nods. “Ready.”

“Let’s rock it then.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n
> 
> Okay, some explanations here
> 
> Firstly there’s the word Bli. It means older brother in Balinese. It’s used to call older (male) siblings or older (male) friends, like Hyung in Korean or Ge in Chinese.
> 
> Second, the play they’re performing here is Ramayana, a traditional play from Indonesia. What’s unique from the performance in Bali is, it doesn’t use instruments as the BGM, but instead a group of men chant the words “Kecak” through the whole performance, that’s why it’s called the Kecak Dance. If anyone hasn’t seen it before, here’s a link, just so you can imagine what Mark’s and Jackson’s parts and costumes looked like (I imagined Mark was in the group chanting "Chak chak chak" the whole show while Jackson... yes, Jackson is Hanoman aka the Sacred White Monkey).
> 
> I put some Indonesian language here and there, and also some cultural facts. If there’s questions, or if there’s any mistakes, please do tell me. I’m not an expert in culture, but I had my fair share of knowledge since I work in this area. I really want to share my country’s culture with you guys. Too bad my English is not that good so sometimes I don’t provide detailed description and ends up confusing the readers instead, lol. Please do tell me if I wrote anything wrong, fellow Indonesians! ^^
> 
> Anyway, there are lots of Markson interactions here!! And no angst in this chapter, yeaaaaahhhh!!!! So enjoy guys. And hugs and kisses for all of you readers and those who commented. Sankyuuuuuu :-*


	9. Once Upon A Time In Kuta Bali

The performance was magical. Mark didn’t have any other words to describe it. He miraculously remembered what he had to chant, how he had to move and when to do it. Every time Jackson came in to the set to play his part, Mark always felt like his heart stopped. He went blank every time he saw Jackson played his part. The feeling was between worried (because Jackson jumped here and there and Mark was just worried that he would slipped and fall) and proud at the same time. The audience cheered loudly whenever it was Jackson’s part and the insides of Mark’s chest felt warm and giddy whenever that happened. He was like being put into an auto-pilot mode the whole performance because he didn’t mess up anything while drooling at Jackson. Well, Bli Putu did said that the dancer were all put into some kind of half-tranced condition in this play, because they have to sing the whole performance and if it wasn’t done then they’d probably get exhausted halfway through the show. But still, he felt proud of himself. When the show finally ended, Mark followed the other to the dressing room, feeling content at the loud applause the audience was giving them. Mark knew the applause were probably addressed to the main dancers, but he was a part of this team anyway. He hugged all the Kecak dancers around him, as well as Bli Putu and Bli Wayan and a couple of other main dancers. When he saw Jackson, Mark didn’t hesitate to run to him and jump to his embrace.

               “Gaga! We did it we did it we did it we did it!!!!” he said with his arms around Jackson’s neck.

               Jackson hugged Mark’s slim waist tightly, letting the older man burry his face on his broad shoulder, screaming and letting go all of his excitement. He remembered his feelings from his first performances. Just like Mark, he was not the main dancer back then. He was just one of the 35 Kecak dancer, but it was very satisfying. It made him teared up, which probably what Mark was doing now. He could feel Mark starting to sniff, so he pulled back from the hug, looking at Mark.

               “Hey, why are you crying?”

               Mark didn’t answer. He bit his lower lips in attempt to stifle his sob. Shaking his head, Mark tried to smile to Jackson. “I just.. Just.. I’m really.. It’s really—”

                “Hm?” Jackson cut Mark’s word in a teasing manner.

                “I never thought..”

“Really?” Jackson didn’t wait for Mark to finish his sentence and went straight to teasing.

“I just..”

               When Mark stopped talking and pinched Jackson’s flat stomach instead, the younger male roared a laugh. It was fun teasing Mark like this. Jackson knows Mark has such a carefree personality, but somehow whenever he was around Jackson the other was never completely happy or having fun. There’s always some kind of a depressed aura whenever he was around Jackson that the younger just couldn’t understand. Is he that depressing? Is he not funny enough? Is he not fun enough to talk to? So when Mark looked free of depression even when he spent the night performing with Jackson, Jackson felt happy.

               After changing their costumes into casual clothes, Jackson asked Mark to come eat dinner with him. He took Mark to a seaside restaurant with one of the best night view in Kuta. It was a bit more crowded than other are, but tonight is about celebrating. And Kuta is the best place to celebrate. Jackson took Mark to one restaurant his friend owned, and they got a beautiful spot. Jackson had asked his friend to reserve it especially for him. They enjoyed the seafood, and after finishing dessert, they just sat there, enjoying their champagne while listening the sound of wave clashing. Mark closed his eyes, inhaling the breeze of the sea. Jackson decided to do the same. This is very weird. The last two weeks had been a blast. He enjoyed every second he spent with Mark. He showed every inch of Bali that he knows to Mark, and it didn’t seem that two weeks was long enough. He still wanted to be with Mark. He didn’t want Mark to go back to Seoul. What’s weirder was, in this past two week he spent with Mark, not once did he ever think about Tzuyu. He didn’t even care that she didn’t reply any of the e-mails he sent to her. Jackson had Tzuyu’s phone number, and it seems like she prefers texting and calling Jackson better than changing emails with him now.

               Jackson sighed, trying not to think too much and just enjoy the night with Mark. He’s going back to Seoul the day after tomorrow, and Jackson wanted to make the best of his last days with Mark. That’s when he heard Mark hummed a song through his mouth. A very familiar song. He opened his eyes and whipped his head to Mark’s direction in shock hearing the smooth voice singing the tune he knows.

“Oh my heart hurt so good, I love you. So bad.. So bad.. Hmm hmm~”

               Jackson didn’t know the words for Tzuyu – or “Tzuyu” – never share the lyrics in her letters, so he only knew the tune of the song. He knows it by heart. He looked at Mark with wide eyes, not believing what he’s hearing. By instinct, Jackson hummed along with Mark. Humming the tune he knows by heart, locking his eyes at Mark who still has his eyes closed. That was the tune he composed. That was the tune he shared to whoever it was he wrote to. It is impossible that one would know the tune so perfectly yet the person he thought he had wrote to didn’t have the slightest idea about that song. Suddenly it all became clear to Jackson why Mark was more familiar to him than Chou Tzuyu ever was.

               Hearing a low and raspy voice humming along with his singing, Mark stopped. He felt like he just got struck by a lightning. He was afraid to open his eyes, so he kept it close. He thought of what he should say to Jackson to explain what he just did. He felt like kicking his own ass for doing such a mistake. How could he lose control? How could he slipped and sung that tune in front of Jackson? How could he—

               “Don’t even try, Mark,” Mark heard Jackson said. There was anger obvious in the tone he’s talking with. “Don’t say that Tzuyu told you about this. Don’t say you heard this tune from her.”

               Mark kept silent. He had no self-defense. He’s caught red handed. There’s no way out. Jackson kept looking at the other man who was still closing his eyes, squeezing it shut but Jackson could see fresh tears are forming in the corner of Mark’s eyes.

               “Yien?”

               The older man didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know what to say. The only thing his brain could think of was ‘get outta here, Mark, just get outta here!’. So he did the first impulsive action he could’ve think of. He rose up from his seat and turned around, walking away from their dinner table.

               “No, no, Tuan Yien!” Jackson followed him suit. In no time the younger was standing beside Mark who hasn’t even took two steps away from their table, his hands holding Mark’s wrist. “Don’t you dare walk away from me.”

               Mark took a deep breath, and finally said, “No, Jackson, you can’t. I didn’t mean to... You… this is—“

               “This is the truth, Mark!” Jackson said in a whispered scream. “I should’ve known. I should have known. I’m so fucking stupid!”

               Mark could only close his eyes again. The melancholy music the restaurant was playing is not helping. It only made him feel sadder than he already has.

               “You like tteokpokki so much, and Tzuyu doesn’t. You were the researcher from Seoul University. Chou Tzuyu was never interested in anthropology, let alone ethnomusicology. She couldn’t even pronounce the word correctly! The book you read, For One More Day, Mitch Albom, was your favourite while Tzuyu couldn’t even differentiate a book and a magazine! And then the song you just sang... I know that tune by heart, Mark. And Tzuyu never… NEVER continued the tune every time I hummed it. I... oh my God, I should’ve known!! Damn it! Yien!!”

               Jackson’s other hand that wasn’t holding Mark’s slap the edge of their table. Mark squeezed his eyes shut, afraid of the rage his best friend was showing, but he was ready. He knows that this is all his fault. It was all his idea, to deceive Jackson like that. He’s ready to accept the risk, losing his friendship with the younger man. Even though it will hurt like hell, he’s ready. But just when Mark thought Jackson was going to slap him and hit him and throw him to the sea in front of them, he heard Jackson ask in a small voice.

               “It was... it was you all this time, Yien?”

               Mark did not answer. The result was Jackson growling, pulling Mark’s arm rather harshly to force him to look at the slightly shorter male.

               “Tell me the truth! Was it you all along? Was it all real? Were you in love with me all this time?”

               Mark slowly opened his eyes, focusing on Jackson’s chest in front of him that was heaving heavily. Mark could feel Jackson’s heavy breath on his forehead, knowing that the other is standing so close to him. Weakly, Mark nodded.

               “It is? It was? It was you all along? It was you who wrote those letters? Pretending to be Tzuyu? Pretending to be the one I love? Pretending  _to love me_?”

               Mark was holding his tears in. He took a big deep breath, trying shake of the tremble in his voice when he finally answered. “I really do love you,  ,” Mark can hear Jackson took a sharp breath. “It was never a lie. Everything written in those letters were the truth. But... it’s always like that, isn’t it? We can only see the person we love, not the person who loves us,” There. Mark had said it. He said it all. There’s no turning back now. “I’m... sorry I deceived you. You’ve been... in love with Tzuyu your whole life. I was just trying to… help the both of you.”

               “Help??” Mark winced at Jackson’s tone. “Help with what?? You think this situation makes it all easier?”

               “But now you and Tzuyu are closer and she loves you now and—“

               “But I’m not in love with Chou Tzuyu! I’m in love with the person who wrote me those letters, who sent them. I’m in love with  _you_!!!”

               It shook Mark as much as it shook Jackson. Some of the customers in the restaurant was looking at them now, most of them with a smile on their face. Love between the same sex are not uncommon to see in Bali, especially for foreigners, even if some people despised them. And even if they’re speaking in Korean language, people could see that this was some kind of a love confession.  Mark, who didn’t wish to make any scene, tried to pry his arm off Jackson’s hold.

               “Please, Gaga. You don’t know what you’re talking about. Neither do I.”

               “What? I—what?” Jackson was stronger. He fixed his firm hold at Mark’s arm, with his other hand tilting up Mark’s chin so the smaller didn’t have other choice but to look Jackson in the eye. “Mark, you’re telling me that I’m wrong?”

               “You’re in love with Tzuyu.”

               “NO, MARK YIEN TUAN,” Jackson pulled Mark even closer to him. Now Mark can feel the other’s hot breath in his left ear. “I’m in love with you. It was you all along. I was wondering... those days I spent in Seoul with the both of you, I kept wondering why. Why do I feel like I didn’t know Tzuyu, or why she didn’t know even the smallest thing about me? Why did you feel more... familiar than Tzuyu ever was? I felt like I was cheating on her the whole time because as much as my mind was telling I am in love with her, my heart keeps confusing it and thoughts of you were always… I was always confused. But now I know the answer, Mark. Now I know.”

               Mark’s tears was falling freely to his cheeks now. He was letting out small sobs, closing his eyes again. Unconsciously, he leaned his forehead on Jackson’s shoulder.

               “I don’t want to hurt Tzuyu, Jackson. Please.”

              But Jackson ignored his plea, “And... and all those times I.. What about the night I gave Chewy the necklace? You were there, and..,” then it hit him. Mark was no longer there when he turned around after Tzuyu returned inside her room. Then he found Mark asleep with a frown. Then... How could he not realized it then? “… then you were not. I… how could you let me hurt you?”

               “It’s okay. It is okay as long as Tzuyu is not hurt.”

               “Mark..”

               “No, no. Please understand. Please understand, I—“ Mark’s word was cut short when he felt Jackson’s grip on his arm gone, and feeling a pair of strong arms circled his waist instead. Those arms pulled Mark closer to the warm body in front of him. Mark helplessly leaned in. He had no power, no energy to fight. It was all he ever wanted. It was what he dreamt of his whole life; to be in the arms of the love of his life. His sobbing grew harder, his tears staining Jackson’s shirt. None of them could care less.

               “So let’s not hurt her. Let’s tell her the truth. Let’s come back to Seoul and tell her we love each other.”

               Jackson can feel Mark shaking his head on his chest. He knows Mark didn’t want to hurt Tzuyu. Jackson was sure about his feelings now, but he was also not sure of what to do. If they tell Tzuyu, it would hurt her a lot, Jackson is sure of that. But if they keep going on like this, the three of them will still get hurt, and Tzuyu will hurt more.

               “Mark?” Jackson called the other when he didn’t get any response.

               “You’re not even gay, Gaga,” when Mark finally spoke up, he wouldn’t look up to Jackson. Knowing the elder’s feelings, and not wanting to make him more depressed, Jackson didn’t force him to look up.

               “I’m not. I don’t like guys. You… are the only person I’ve ever liked. The only one I fell in love with,” he said honestly.  _Just like me,_  Mark thought.  _You are the only one I’ve ever loved. No other men, nor women._  “I’m not gay. Nor am I straight because I swear, you’re the only one I have ever loved. The person who wrote me the letters. Who I feel like I have known even without meeting them.”

               It’s pretty scary for Jackson, how he can say the sacred-four-lettered word so easily to Mark. But he had no regrets. He loves Mark and the older deserves to know. Mark rustled from his place in Jackson’s chest, then Jackson saw him looking up with his big puppy-like eyes that he loves so much. It was red and wet. Jackson can’t help but to lean down and gave Mark’s eyelids a soft kiss. The smaller male’s eyes flutter shut and he gasped in shock, but in no time it opened again. This time while whispering, “Let’s go somewhere else. Please. People are looking.”

               Even though Jackson wanted to say that he didn’t care if people were looking, he didn’t want to make Mark uncomfortable. So Jackson nodded, taking Mark’s skinny wrist in his hold in a gentle manner then pulled him slowly to exit the restaurant. They stopped by at the cashier to pay (with the cashier eyeing them, a smile on her face while Mark kept his head down), then went out to reach Jackson’s car. Once inside, Jackson didn’t do anything. Turning the keys on the starter hole, Jackson didn’t turn the machine on. He just opened the window, then sat sideways to look at Mark on the passenger seat beside him. For a moment, none of them said anything. Until Jackson cleared his throat.

               “So... um, Mark? You’re not going to say anything?”

               Mark shook his head weakly. “What should I say?”

               “I don’t know. Explain something. Anything.”

               “...”

               “Yien,” Jackson called out again, this time reaching out to touch Mark’s hand on top of his own lap. Mark winced a little when their hands touched, but Jackson didn’t pull back. He took Mark’s small hands in his, holding them tightly. Mark could do nothing but to look at Jackson in the eye. “Give me a sign. Just... just tell me, if even a bit, even if just for a while... did you ever loved me?”

               “ , I told you—”

               “Then tell me again,” Jackson cut Mark’s word. “If you ever did, if you still do, I’m… I’m going to fight for it. I will tell Tzuyu. I will tell her that I had come to fall in love with the one who wrote to me, not with her. Just tell me, please. Have you ever? Do you still?”

               Slowly but sure, the other nodded his head. “Always,” he heard Mark whispered. Jackson felt droplets of tears fall to his hand that was holding Mark’s smaller one. He knows Mark is scared. He is scared too. He’s scared of what his parents will think. Even though he knows his parents is very democratic and fair, but the fact that their son is in love with someone with the same sex will shock them. Especially when it’s Mark. Especially when his parents knew that he was planning to marry Tzuyu since he was a little boy. But he’s willing to fight for it. He’s willing to be brave for Mark, for the both of them.

               “Then we’ll tell them, okay? I’ll come back with you to Seoul. We’ll tell our parents. We’ll tell Tzuyu and her father. She is a pretty and fun girl. She can find someone better than me. Okay, Markie Pooh?” the black haired male moved his right hand to cup Mark’s cheek. Unexpected by Jackson, the elder leaned into his hand, wet tears all over his face, but the latter smiled.

               “I’m a bad person,” he said between his sobs. “How can I do this to my best friend?”

               Jackson didn’t answer. Instead, he leaned forward to capture Mark’s lips in his. It took him a lot of courage, knowing that Mark was still not sure about them and he could pull it off anytime, but Mark didn’t. He stilled in his seat, not kissing back, until Jackson pulled back, not wanting to force Mark. But not for long, because Mark suddenly leaned in for another kiss. The older took the initiative this time. He moved closer to Jackson, tugging his hand so the younger leaned over, then kissed the beautiful lips in front of him. Mark never knew that kissing someone could be this amazing. With his lips and tongue, he traced every inch of Jackson’s mouth. His dry bottom lips, his thin upper one, the bow of his lips that tastes sweet and soft that Mark felt like he could get addicted to them, and Jackson’s tongue that shyly stuck out to have a taste of Mark too. The kiss was gentle, but still held an exploding passion in it. When the need of air came to them, they broke the kiss. Panting, sweating, they look at each other with their foreheads touching.

               “I love you,” Mark whispered in a small voice. “I always have.”

               Jackson let out a small smile, thumbs caressing Mark’s high cheekbone, while other fingers stroking his jawline. “I love you, too. I’m sorry I’m such a fool.”

               “You don’t have to be sorry. We both are stupid,” Mark said.

               “Yes, we are,” Jackson chuckled when Mark pouted at his answer. He gave Mark’s pouting lips another peck. “People said one will always find love in Bali. I never believed it before. Now I do.”

               Mark nodded as he smiled. He’s heard those sayings too, but he never thought it will ever come true. He had hopes, but how could he hope for much when he had already found that kind of love since he was a kid? He just had to wait for his other half to find his. “What are we going to tell our family? What are we going to tell Tzuyu?”

               “The truth,” Jackson said. He was not afraid. He was sure with this decision. “It was you all along, Mark. She probably didn’t even love me. It might all be an act.”

               “What if she did fall in love with you, Gaga? What will we do, then?”

               “Tell her the truth. It’s the only way,” Jackson closed his eyes and moved his head to rest on Mark’s shoulder. “I can’t think of any other way. We need to tell her the truth because... I love you so much, Yien.  _God!_  I love you so so much,” he kissed Mark’s clothed shoulder. “So much.”

               Mark barked a laugh at this, trying to melt the tense and serious atmosphere around them. “Cheesy.”

               “What?” Jackson’s head shot up at Mark’s words. His reaction was just like Mark had expected. “I said I love you so much and you call me cheesy?”

               “You are! Even when you are flirting with Tzuyu, you’re always so cheesy. I can’t believe she fell for your words.”

             “Why you…! Just admit it! You got jealous! All my cheesy flirting made you super jealous.”

               “Still. Cheesy,” Mark stick out his tongue to Jackson, whose eyes got big at the act. He didn’t deny Jackson’s words though. He  _was_  after all, jealous.

               “Why you little – come here you!”

               Sounds of laughter and giggles are heard from the car throughout the night as the new couple kept teasing and tickling each other. It was a beautiful night in Bali, it was a beautiful night for Mark and Jackson and Jackson cannot wait the day for them to tell their family the truth.

 

 

* * *

 

**a/n**

**This will be a great ending for this story, wouldn’t it? But worry not, there will be a whole bunch of angst coming round! Hahahahah**

**Enjoy, loves! Forgive any mistakes because I’m sooooo sleepy, haha. Don’t forget to comment! ^3^**

**a/n (or credit to title)**

**this chapter title was taken from a song called Kuta Bali, which I imagined was what the restaurant where the couple had dinner had played. The song basically tells about a person's memory of his blooming love in Kuta, Bali. I can't find the English translation for this song, but I took it from one of his lyrics "Suatu saat di Kuta Bali.." which means.. well, once upon a time in Kuta Bali. Or at Kuta Bali? Not sure, so yeah, haha.**

**Here's the link if you would like to hear the song. Reading this chappie while listening to the song will bring the mood on, guys,’m telling you, lol**

<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ynPg9TWY_LM>


	10. So Raise Your Hands To Heaven

They passed the last days of Mark’s vacation in Bali with no burden. Mark still has to wait for his interview results, but it was the last thing on his mind right now. Enjoying Bali with Jackson was even better now that they could hold hands and stealing kisses every now and then. Jackson even carried Mark on his back a few times when the older was too tired to even walk on his own feet. Even the thought of Tzuyu hurting because of their action didn’t bother Mark. He was feeling too happy to have Jackson by his side. In the back of his mind, he thinks that he deserved this. On Mark’s last night in Bali, when he was packing, Jackson knocked the guestroom door. He had forced Mark to leave the hotel and just stay with him at the Wang’s residence after Mark’s first night in Bali. After the revelation last night, Jackson had asked Mark to sleep with him in his room, but the elder refused. He told Jackson that he will stay virgin before he had an official marriage with someone. Jackson laughed at this statement, but choose to respect Mark and let him sleep in the guest room. Not before Jackson kissed him goodnight.  

               “Oh, Gaga~,” he called Jackson with his old pet name. Jackson smiled hearing the nickname. Mark was sitting on the floor with his legs folded, his suitcase opened in front of him and his stuff all scattered in the room floor.

               “Whooah, what happened in here? An earthquake?” he joked, coming in to the room, making sure not to step on anything. The younger sat on the bed beside Mark and his boyfriend automatically leaned to his side, to Jackson’s leg. Jackson levered down to give a kiss to Mark’s head, then laugh again when he saw that Mark was frowning at his own stuff.

               “It won’t fit!” Mark cutely said. “All the souvenirs, and my new clothes and all my old clothes I brought here... it won’t fit! My suitcase is too small,” Mark pointed his large suitcase, probably the largest size for every brand of suitcase. This made Jackson smiled. What a diva.

               “Hey, I’m coming with you to Seoul. You can put some of those in my suitcase. It’s still half empty.”

               Hearing what Jackson suggested, Mark quickly looked up with a smile on his face. “Really? You’ll let me put some of my stuff in your suitcase?”

               “Of course, dear,” Jackson laughed at the tone Mark was speaking. Cheerfully the older stood up, bending down to collect the stuff he was going to put in Jackson’s suitcase. While humming his and Jackson’s tune, Mark had only two steps before a pair of strong arms circled his waist, pulling the smaller back to sit on his boyfriend’s lap.

               “Jackson!! Look what you’ve done!” Mark worriedly examine the souvenirs he just dropped. “What are you – hey!”

               The protest from Mark’s mouth got louder when Jackson took Mark’s hand, preventing him from picking up the souvenirs he just dropped.

               “Aigoo, Wang Ka Yee, you are so so childish, you know. Let me just pack, we have to go early tomorrow. What do you think you’re doi—what is this?”

               A shinning ring with a small sapphire stone in the middle of it was hugging Mark’s left ring finger. He didn’t realized Jackson slipping it there.

               “What do you... when did you..?” Mark stopped his struggling. He looked at the beautiful ring with wide eyes, his mouth ajar.

               Jackson kissed his boyfriend’s nape, hugging Mark’s narrow waist tighter. “It’s a family ring. Every in-laws in the family wore it.”

               Abruptly the smaller man in Jackson’s lap turned around so that he was twisting his body to face Jackson. He had his eyes wider than before, mouth dangling in a not so pretty way, but Jackson still find it cute. “I-in laws? Do you mean I—Jackson, really?”

               “Yes my darling. Don’t you think I’m a bit too old now to just go out on a date with you?” Jackson smiled as he answered Mark. He raised one of his hand to cup Mark’s red cheek, kissing his nose lightly. “I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Yien. I’m ready to spend my lifetime with you. “

               The way the beautiful being said it made Mark’s heart clenched. Mark had promised he would let Jackson go and move on. Just this morning, Jackson was still in love with Tzuyu. Just this morning they both were just best friend. How can it change so fast? Is this really the right thing to do?

               “Markiepooh?”

               Jackson saw the doubt in Mark’s eyes. He shifted, turning Mark so now Mark was fully facing the younger male. Jackson tucked a strand of hair behind Mark’s ear, then his finger continued to caress that ear. Mark closed his eyes at the contact, and when he opened it, there were tears on the corner of his eyes.

               “Are you sure, Gaga? Are you sure this will fix everything? Are you sure this is what we want? Are you sure this is the best?”

               Smiling, Jackson leaned and drop a peck to Mark’s rosy lips. “I don’t know if this will fix everything. But I’m sure this is what both you and I want. And even if it’s not the best for all of us, it will be the best choice for the both of us. Isn’t it enough?”

               Mark nod at this, raising his hands where Jackson put the ring earlier to examine the golden band circling his finger. “Thank you, Wang Jackson.”

               “I love you Mark. I really do love you,” Jackson answered him, kissing the other man’s forehead, who sighed in content and whispered the words back to Jackson. “I love you too, Jackson. I love you.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~  ~  ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~~  ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~~

               They arrived in Korea at noon the next day, much to Mark’s disappointment. He loved his hometown, but Bali has left such a beautiful impression for Mark. It was where his love finally found him too. After grabbing a late lunch at the airport, the two lovers took a cab to get to their house. They decide not to tell their parents or Tzuyu and his father about them going to Korea together. They both turned off their phone since last night. They nervously opened the door to the Tuan’s residence, hand in hand. Jackson had refused to let go of Mark’s shaky and sweaty hand even when the older had told him to. He wanted Mark to know that they’re in this together, and Jackson is not going to let Mark down again. But what they found when they enter the living room was not what they hoped for.

               All of their family member are wearing black outfit, gathering in the spacious room of the Tuan’s apartment. There were the Tuan’s relatives, also the Chou’s. Most of them were crying, while others looked plainly gloomy or blank. First thing that went to Mark’s mind was something had happened to his parents. He tightened his hold on Jackson’s fingers, making the younger winced but didn’t let go. When Mark saw his father sitting near the balcony door looking perfectly healthy, just dark circles visible under his eyes when he turned to look at his son, Mark huffed in relieve. Then he scanned the room to look for his mother. And there she was, sitting a little far from everybody with Tzuyu who was sobbing hard in her embrace. His friend was hugging tight a frame with Chou Ming’s picture in it. Then it hit Mark. Something happened to Ming. It can’t be, it can’t—

               “Mark, Jackson, you’re here,” Mark heard his father. As he turned his head to the old man, he saw his father standing up with a little difficulty, making his way to him. Hearing Xihao, Tzuyu lifted her head. When she saw Jackson standing there beside Mark, her first impulse was to pull away from Li Mei’s embrace, running to Jackson. She threw herself to Jackson, tightly holding onto him. Jackson was too shocked to react. He just stood there like a fool, only reacting when he felt Mark loosening his fingers from Jackson’s hold.

               “No, no,” Jackson whispered softly, his eyes pleading at Mark, but the other man was only looking at him and Tzuyu with wide and confused eyes, not knowing what to do. Jackson begged in his heart for Mark to not let go, for Mark to grab his hand again. Mark didn’t get the signal. He did the last thing Jackson had wished Mark would do, he looked away from the younger male. Just when Jackson was about to call Mark’s name, Tzuyu’s hold on his waist tightened, and on the same time Li Mei and Raymond was already standing beside Mark, explaining what had happened.

               Chou Ming, the only family Tzuyu had left, died last night from heart attack. The Tuans and the Wangs had tried to tell their sons the morning after, because they were too shocked at the news last night, but both of them had turned off their phone. Xihao tried calling Wayan and Putu, but both of his men told him that Mark and Jackson had already took off to Seoul. Jackson saw Mark covered his mouth as he chocked a sob. His heart was aching to hold his boyfriend instead of the girl now hugging him. He saw Mark fell to his knees, his parents bending down to hug their son. He saw his mother standing up to join the hug, and he saw his father sitting not so far from them, still looking at his best friend’s picture Tzuyu had dropped earlier when she rushed to Jackson. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Ming was supposed to be there with them. He was supposed to be there when Jackson tells him and his parents that his relationship with Tzuyu won’t work out. They were all supposed to be gathered in this living room, in rage because Jackson had broken Tzuyu’s heart and disappointing his father by breaking his own promise to marry Tzuyu.

              Tzuyu’s sob pulled Jackson out of his thought. On instinct, his arms raised to return the hug, giving her comfort and letting her know that he was sorry for her lost. Just then, Mark turned his head to look at the both of them. The sad smile forming on Mark’s face punched Jackson’s gut.  _No,_  he thought.  _No, Mark, don’t you dare._  But Mark only nodded weakly, then looked away again when his mother start to sob harder at the loss of her best friend.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

               “Life really does have a lot in store, huh?”

               Tzuyu sat on the sofa, leaning her head to Mark’s shoulder as they watched the licking of flame inside the fireplace in front of them. Tzuyu had her fingers entwined with Mark, feeling comfortable with her best friend’s thumb stroking the back of her hands gently. It was already 4 in the morning, all the relatives had gone home. Mark and Jackson parents had gone to the hospital to take care of Ming’s cremation ceremony. Mei suggests Tzuyu to stay at home with Mark and Jackson, not sure if she can control herself seeing her father like that.

               “One second I was happy because I had found someone I can trust, and love me with all his heart—“ Mark tried to stay in his place when all he wanted was to run away and not hearing this ever again from her. “The other second, Appa left me. Leaving me when he promised me he would be th—there for the rest of my life,” Tzuyu started sobbing again.

               Mark untangled one of his hand from Tzuyu’s, moving it to hug her shoulder, pulling her closer to him in a comforting purpose. “Hey... he hasn’t break his promise. You know he will always be there for you, Chewy. He still lives in our heart, as long as we remember him and love him.”

               “I know. That’s what people said. But however, I can’t... it’s not that easy. I—“ Tzuyu didn’t continue. Her walls broke down again, sobbing into Mark’s chest while the other can only hug her and kissed the top of her head while whispering comforting words to his grieving friend.

              After a couple of minutes, Tzuyu has calm down a little. Heavy sobs are now just small hiccups, but Mark still held her close, stroking the girl’s back to help her calm down.

               “Thank you for being here, Markie.”

               “How could I not?” Mark sound a bit sad that she had to thank him for something she deserves. He’s Tzuyu’s best friend, Tzuyu was supposed to demand him to be there for her in times like this, not thanking him.

               “It seems like... all my life, you were always there. The reason for my happiness was always connected to you.”

               Not understanding what Tzuyu was saying, Mark choose to stay silent.

               “When I was little, I lost my mother. But I never really lost my mother, because I still have one, in the form of  Mei Imo, your mother,” Tzuyu explained, knowing well that Mark doesn’t understand what she was saying before. “And don’t forget, you were the one who introduced me to Jackson. You brought Jackson to my life, Mark Tuan.”

               Mark wanted to slap Tzuyu for repeating this topic about Jackson again and again, but then again, was it her fault? She was right anyway. Mark was the one who brought Jackson to her. It was his doing since day one, so there’s no right for him to blame anyone. Especially Tzuyu. Mark tried to smile back as his best friend looked up at him with a genuine smile. He felt bad for even thinking that he could betray her. Jackson was hers all along. He and Jackson were just not meant to be.

               “Heeeeeey!!!! Look what I have!!!”

               Suddenly Jackson’s cheerful voice was heard as he emerged from the kitchen. With a plate on one of his hand, he kneeled in front of the sofa the two besties were sitting at.

               “I have snacks for us! I’m sure you love sweet potatoes, Chewy-yah!”

              Tzuyu frowned at Jackson, shaking her head as she snuggled deeper to Mark. “No.”

               “What do you mean, no?” Jackson took one of the sweet potatoes and eat them. “You haven’t been eating since two days ago, that’s what I heard from Eomma. Come on, you’ll get yourself sick. Besides, sweet potatoes tastes amaaaa~zing.”

               Mark can’t help but to smile at Jackson’s act. This is why Mark loved him. He cared about other people a lot. And don’t forget his foolishness and playful side. Too bad, this is why Tzuyu loves him too. And this is also why Mark had to let Jackson go.

               “I’ll eat if you feed me,” Tzuyu said in a whiny tone, pulling herself away from Mark’s embrace.

               “Uhh,” Jackson didn’t know how to respond at that. He turned to look at Mark, who again gave his smile to Jackson, the sad smile Jackson hates so much.

               “I need to—bathroom—“

               “Yie—“

               “Sorry, excuse me,” ignoring Jackson’s silent plea, Mark stood up and left without even sparing a glance at the other male. Jackson looked at Mark’s form disappearing to the hallway, for a moment forgetting that Tzuyu was there with him.

               “Hey Mr. Hawaii. Are you feeding me or not?” Tzuyu asked him, making Jackson turned to her in an instance. He feed the sweet potato to Tzuyu, yelping in pain when the girl bit his fingers with the food.

               Jackson laughed, playfully nudging Tzuyu’s shoulder with his. Tzuyu laughter lingered for a moment, before tears come streaming down her cheeks again. Jackson could do nothing but put the plate on the coffee table, then carefully placed his hand around her shoulder. Tzuyu leaned onto his embrace, circling her arms around Jackson’s neck, crying her eyes out while Jackson was still contemplating if he should return the hug. He decided not to, letting his other hand drop to his lap, but letting Tzuyu cry on his shoulder. When he looked up, he saw Mark peeking from behind the door frame to the hallway, tears heavily flowing down. Jackson wanted to run to him and hug him instead, but he knew better. Mark’s eyes were saying that this was how it’s supposed to be. Jackson didn’t like that, and he was going to settle this situation with Mark soon.

 

 

* * *

 

 

**a.n**

**Because I am mean like that!!! Muahahahahaha. Enjoy the update and don't forget to comment! Ciao!**

 


	11. The Deal

Three days has passed since Ming’s death. They had cremate him four days after his death, with Tzuyu wailing and bawling her eyes out during the whole ceremony. Jackson was there beside her all the time, holding her hands, embracing her, being a shoulder to cry on for the mourning daughter. Mark thought this was how it’s supposed to be. Jackson constantly tried to look back, to see Mark, to get any kind of reaction from Mark, but he got none. The older male was bowing his head down the whole day. He was avoiding Jackson as best as he can, and Jackson didn’t like this at all. It was so hard for Jackson. He was determined to confront Mark about this. About them.

 

               The chance came at the morning after the cremation ceremony. Jackson just woke up, feeling exhausted and sleep deprived because he had to stay up to accompany Tzuyu most of the night after Ming’s death, when he found Mark in the kitchen making coffee. Alone.

 

               “Good morning, Markiepooh.”

 

               A small yelp was heard as the smaller male tried to turn around to see who had circled their arms around his waist. When he realized who it was, he struggled to get out of the back hug he was given.

 

               “Jackson, let go. What if anybody sees?”

 

               Ignoring Mark, Jackson leaned down, burying his face on the crook of Mark’s smooth neck. His nose was grazing at the skin, inhaling Mark’s natural odor that smelled masculine, but soft, a combination of his milk and white musk scented shower cream and his tea tree scented shampoo. Jackson remembered those times in Bali where he had drifted to sleep lulled by this smell and woke up smelling this scent first thing in the morning. What had gone wrong?

 

               “Gaga~”

 

               “Glad you’re still calling me with that nickname, baby. I missed you so much,” Jackson whispered to his lover’s ear. He can feel Mark shivering, putting down the mug he was holding and resting his hands atop of his own bigger ones. But not to enjoy the hug. Mark was trying to pry Jackson’s arms off himself.

 

               “Jackson, please. We can’t. What if Tzuyu sees? What if our parents—Jackson!” Mark gasped when Jackson licked his earlobe. It turns him on, alright.

 

               “You like that, baby? We haven’t done anything since we became official, you know. I know you respect marriage a lot, but... sometimes… rules are made to be broken, right?”

 

               Confused by Jackson’s weird act, once again Mark tried to wiggle out of Jackson’s hold. When finally Mark was free from Jackson’s hold, he couldn’t help but whimpered at the loss, even though his instinct was to move as far as he could from the younger male. That’s when Jackson realized why Mark struggled so hard to push Jackson off.

 

               “Good morning, kids,” Mei yawned, rubbing her still sleepy eyes while Sophia was walking past her with her eyes closed. Mark and Jackson answered her with an awkward hum, then the older continued making coffee for his mother and Sophia.

 

               “Jackson, where is—“ yawn “—your father?”

 

               Jackson blinked as the question. “Wasn’t he… supposed to sleep with you?”

 

               “Yeah, but he woke up earlier this morning. He told me—oh, thanks, sweetie,” she took the mug Mark was offering, patting Mark’s hand who smiled in return. “He said he was going to discuss something with Raymond. About your marriage with Tzuyu.”

 

               Jackson’s jaw drop. A clang of a spoon falling was heard. If they hear more carefully, they could even hear Mark’s already broken heart falling to the floor. 

 

               “Mark, dear, are you okay?” Sophia looked at Mark worriedly. He saw Mark crouched to down, picking up the spoon he just dropped before standing up again and with a disgustingly fake grin, waved the spoon to Sophia.

 

               “I’m okay, Imo! Just... it slipped, haha,” he said, faking a laugh too. “Ahahaha, I’m fine, Omma. Why are you looking at me like that?”

 

               Mei saw the tears brimming in her son’s eyes. There is something Mark is not telling her. She can see both of the boys are shocked with this news, but Mark’s reaction is a bit... too much?

 

               Mei didn’t have the chance to answer because suddenly laughter of two joyful fathers echoed in the room as Xihao and Raymond entered the room with a gleeful expression.

 

               “Ah, there you are,” Sophia greet her husband. Xihao walked closer to his wife and plant a kiss to her forehead, just like Raymond who did the same to his wife. “So, how’s the discussion?”

 

               Xihao didn’t answer her directly. He looked at Jackson, who was still showing a confused expression on his face. Xihao smiled at his son as he let out a long sigh. “My son,” he looked at Jackson. “I made a promise to Ming, that night in Jeju, when we saw the love sparkling from both of Tzuyu and your eyes, I made a promise to him that I guarantee the happiness Tzuyu deserves. I guarantee it by giving my blessings to your love, to your relationship. And I promised Ming, that I will keep your words to Tzuyu that night before you went back to Bali, when you said you are going to marry her.”

 

               “Appa, I—“

 

               “Ming is gone now,” he stopped for a while, glancing at Mei and Raymond who gave him an encouraging smile to continue his words, while he can feel his wife tightened her hold on his waist to support him. “But as you can see Raymond and Mei is practically her parents now. They gave you and Tzuyu their blessings as well, and we had just talk to the priest to set the date of your marriage.”

 

               “The date of the—what?”

 

               “Both of you will have an engagement party here, in Seoul next week, and the wedding will be held in Bali three months after your engagement day—“

 

               “Wait, Appa, isn’t that too soon?“

 

               “We thought that the sooner the better. Because Tzuyu needs someone in her life, someone she can hold on to, someone to lean on since her father is not with her anymore. And you, my son, I can see you love her with your heart, just as much as she loves you. I’m sure you will take care of her.”

 

               “But—“

Jackson’s protest was not finished, though, because he heard Mei called out to her son.

 

               “Mark? Mark, son, where are you—Mark!”

 

               Jackson wasn’t able to continue his protests as he saw Mark bolted out of the kitchen. He can hear a door slammed close.

 

               “What happened? Why is he—is he going to be okay?”

 

               Sophia asked Mei in a worried tone. Mei was not sure herself, but her husband assured her that Mark was probably shocked at the fact that his best friend are going to marry soon. Tzuyu has been his alone for a lifetime, but now that he has to share her with Jackson probably shook him. Jackson wanted to tell Raymond that what he assumed was not the case. It’s not Tzuyu that Mark didn’t want to let go, it was him. Mark loves him. Mark doesn’t want to lose him. Or does he?

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~   ~ ~ ~~ ~  ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~  ~~  ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

              Jackson found Mark inside his room, fiddling with something Jackson can’t see while his laptop was playing a song he didn’t really want to hear. Jackson knocked the door twice, not waiting for Mark’s permission to step inside the room. He finally saw what Mark was holding and his heart clenched. It was the ring Jackson gave to Mark a few nights ago, when both of them confessed their feelings for each other. Jackson can see Mark smiling, but the other refused to turn around and look at the younger, he choose to focus his eyes on the ring instead.

 

               “You know,” Mark started with a weak voice. “Since the very first day I knew you loved Tzuyu, I’ve never stopped praying.”

 

               Jackson didn’t want to ask. But his mouth works faster than his brain. “Praying? What for?” He knew the answer. He knew Mark won’t let out a selfish answer.

 

               “For courage.”

 

               “Courage? What courage?”

 

               “For courage... to be able to stand seeing you happy with Tzuyu..”

 

               “Yien...”

 

               “—and to hope only the best for the both of you.”

 

               Jackson wanted to smack Mark. He wanted to hit him, he wanted to kick him. He wanted to kiss the other guy until he understands that he only loved Mark. Mark was too kind. Or stupid. Jackson couldn’t decide. Maybe Mark is both.

 

               “Yien, come with me. Let’s go out there and tell our parents about us, about our relationship. We have to tell them about our feelings.”

 

               “And then what?” Mark’s voice cracked. He turned around, but he was still looking down, refusing to look into Jackson’s intimidating gaze. “You... your love is the only thing she can hold on to right now, Jackson. I couldn’t take it away from her. It’s the only thing keeping her sane right now.”

 

               “What difference does it make? Will she not lose her insanity 2 years or even 10 years from now when she knows her husband doesn’t love her? When she realized her husband loves another man?”

 

               Then Mark showed Jackson what he was holding between his fingers; the family ring he gave to the other on their last night in Bali. 

 

               Taking a step forward to the sitting man, Jackson snorted. "What? You want to give that back to me now? You want me to give that to Tzuyu instead?”

 

               “Tzuyu is going to be the in-law in your family, Gaga. You know I don’t deserve this,” Mark answered him. He tried to keep the smile on his face, but his eyes has this sad and longing look as he stared at the beautiful piece in his hand.

 

               “But that’s exactly why I gave it to you! Because you deserved it! Because I wanted you to be a part of my family, officially!”

 

               “Jackson, not so loud, our parents—“

 

               “The hell with our parents!! You think I care if they hear us?? I love you, Mark! How could you do this to me??”

 

               The next thing Mark knows is Jackson kneeling in front of him, between his lean legs that Jackson loves so much, holding both of his hands in his bigger ones. Bigger, but it’s shaking harder than Mark’s. Jackson needed Mark to understand what he’s trying to say. Jackson needed Mark to understand that he doesn’t want anyone else but Mark, Why can’t Mark understand that?

 

               “Don’t make me lie in front of the priest, please. Marriage is something sacred, Yien. We shouldn’t be playing with marriage. It’s about faith. It’s about promise—“

 

               “A promise your father had made to Uncle Ming, Jackson,” Mark cut Jackson’s words. Trying his best to look at Jackson’s eyes, but the far he can get is looking at the younger man’s lips. It was so close to him, Mark can see it twitching, pressing hard to prevent it letting out the sob Jackson has been holding. “It’s a promise made in the sake of friendship. And to me, friendship is above everything, Jackson. Every relationship starts with friendships.”

 

               “And today, friendship has ruined our relationships.”

 

               Mark shivered, almost breaking down hearing the vulnerability in Jackson’s voice. His hands are sweating, but it’s gripping Mark’s hand harder, like he didn’t want to let go.

 

               “We can still be friends, you know. We started out as friends.”

 

               “Why is it so easy for you, Mark? To say this things? To just… are you the same person who confessed to me three nights ago in the land of paradise and love, that you have loved me your whole life and won’t let me go ever again?”

 

               Mark can see the tears rolling down Jackson’s cheek. The younger is not looking at him now, he’s closing his eyes, droplets of tears forming in the corner of his beautiful eyes. Mark knows Jackson is trying hard not to cry, but he failed.

 

               “Gaga..,” Mark called him as he pulled one of his hand out of Jackson’s grasp, just to cup the younger’s cheek. “You think this is not hard for me? I have loved you my whole life, I swear to God. I pretend that I was Chewy through the letters so I can still communicate with you, even as someone else. I had to endure the jealousy I felt every time I see you with her, especially those nights in Jeju—“ once again Jackson squeezed the smaller hand he was holding. Mark smiled at the gesture, but he continued his words. Softer this time. “You think it’s easy for me to finally hear the words from you, that you love me, and had to lose you right after hearing it?”

 

               Mark gently tilted Jackson’s head up, as Jackson opened his eyes, he was staring right to the black orbs of those smoldering eyes. Mark tried to suppress a sob when he saw the sadness and pain in those eyes.

 

               “Then why, Tuan Yien? Why are you doing this to us? To _me_?”

 

               Mark felt like his heart is being stabbed by thousands of knifes when he heard the tone Jackson used, but he tried to harden his expression. “I can’t hurt Tzuyu, Jackson. I can’t... let your parents betray their own friend. I love you,” Mark saw Jackson winced at the words, and nothing hurts more. “I love you so so much, Jackson. But if you do love me too—“

 

               “No, don’t,” quickly Jackson pulled back. He moved away from Mark’s hand and let go of the hand he’s holding. As the taller man stood back on his feet, Mark can feel his rage. Somehow his words has triggered the anger pent up inside Jackson. But Mark had said it. He won’t take it back.

 

               “—you will let me go.”

 

               “How dare you, Mark Tuan?” Jackson squinted his eyes, looking at the love of his life who was holding out the ring Jackson gave him with a look of disbelief. “How could you say that to me??”

 

               “Jackson, sometimes..” Mark reached out his for his younger friend, but Jackson totally ignored the small hand. Instead he fixed his gaze on Mark, tears now falling freely to his cheek. It hurts Mark’s heart to see Jackson crying, and knowing he was the cause of this man’s tears, but it has to be done. For everyone’s sake. “Sometimes we have to sacrifice for love.”

 

               That done it. What Mark just said, has made something inside Jackson snap. He couldn’t take it anymore. The younger man let out a long breath, smiling sadly at Mark’s word. He nodded his head, making Mark wonder what he’s thinking. Looking at the man he loved his whole life, Mark’s heart starts to beat faster. Jackson was closing his eyes, looking like he was trying to suppress the shock he felt hearing Mark’s word.

 

               “Jackson?” Mark tried, pulling back his arm that was being ignored by Jackson. What he got as an answer is Jackson’s chuckle. When the other opened his eyes again, Mark can see the challenging look Jackson was giving him. While wondering what that look meant, he saw Jackson took a step forward, reaching out a hand to Mark. Without thinking, Mark shut his eyes, afraid Jackson would grab his hair and pull it or even slap him. When he felt Jackson’s hand on the top of his head, rubbing it tenderly with his thumb, he can feel his heart swell. How could he think that low of Jackson? This man won’t ever hurt him like that.

 

               “I will marry Tzuyu,” Jackson suddenly said, snapping Mark out of his thought. Mark opened his eyes immediately, heart racing as he realized how close the other man’s face was. Their noses almost touching, he can smell Jackson’s fresh minty breath and can smell Jackson’s citrus scented hair. He can feel Jackson’s hand on top of his head, and the other one cupping his cheek. But what made his heart run faster was the words Jackson just said.

 

               “You-you would?”

 

               Jackson smiled. It was supposed to be a wicked smile, but it came out sadder then he intend to. “I will marry Tzuyu, Mark. I will sacrifice for the sake of our love. I will marry her. This is how much I love you,” Jackson said in a whisper. Even if Mark can’t hear him well, he can feel every word on his skin where Jackson is touching.

 

               “Jackson...”

 

               “I’m going to do this for my love for you, and for my parents. You hear me?”

 

               Mark didn’t answer. He was looking straight at Jackson’s eyes, which still held those sadness and hurt he saw minutes ago. But it was filled with something else now. Mark couldn’t grasp what it was, but he felt afraid. Afraid of what Jackson will say next.

 

               “But I am not going to be the only one making a sacrifice here, Mark,” Jackson said again, not waiting for Mark to get over his confusion. “I will marry Tzuyu. I certainly will. But—“

 

               A sharp intake of breath from Mark.

 

               “—only on the day you decided to get married.”

 

               For a second, only Mark’s heavy breath was heard. He was almost panting, suffocated by the words Jackson just said to him. Not waiting for Mark’s responses, Jackson got up to his feet, making Mark let out a small whimper from the sudden loss of contact. The raven haired man still held the sad smile on his face.        

 

               “I promise you, Mark. I’m gonna wait for you. I will marry Tzuyu on the day you get married. If not... I promise I’m going to tell everyone about us, you get me?”

 

               Without another word, Jackson turned around, and walk away. He tried so hard not to break down there and then, in front of Mark. He ran up to his room, leaving a still shocked Mark and passing his confused parents, locking his door, and bury his face on the pillow as he screamed his frustration out of him. What had happened to him and Mark? Why is this happening?

 

________________________________________

 

**Hi! Thank you all for your kind comments! Please keep commenting, it really boost up my mood. Now, time to sleep! hahahaha**

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